Leave You Alone

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Everyone needs someone beside them, shining like a lighthouse from the sea.

Lamplight shines through the window, filtering through the lace curtains and slicing the darkness. Emotions grip my chest, tightening and twisting, whispering thoughts and words, swirling and pushing, hating and demanding.

Here I am alone.

But then a text comes. Listen to Brother by Needtobreathe. 

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you alone
I’ll be the one you call
When you’re low

The acoustics in my room are magical, the music in the darkness calm the tears that long to be released. Soothe the pain filled ache, and remind me that I am no longer alone.

There are so many brothers I have in my life. One’s giggle sounds like tee-hee-hee, her eyes laugh along with her voice, she understands my wackiness and she is always there to annoy. Another one listens to me, tells me I am not nothing. She “tucks” me in, reminding me I’m no longer alone. She whispers truth and helps me look to find the root problem. Another is a genius, brainstorming with me, loving me, and she is unafraid of the darkness in my mind. Another laughs with me for a whole hour, reminding me of God’s new mercies, of His love and forgiveness, and helping me embrace my awkwardness.

I know that in my weakness I am stronger
It’s your love that brings me home.

Left alone in my mind, struggling through the clouds, looking for land. Where was the home that I left? Where am I? Who am I?

A gentle hand, holding mine and keeping me grounded, reminding me that home isn’t far away. My beliefs are a reality. I’m not all alone.

Humans to keep me believing in the world around me. Humans to remind me that the world isn’t just virtual. There is a real reality. There is a home. There is a world outside my mind, and all I have to do is call. They’ll take me home.

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home.

The darkness is no longer full of thoughts and fears. Instead, my heart is soothed, my mind at rest. I’m not alone. My dog is at my feet, her head resting on my ankle. I know I’m not alone.

My sister walks into the room, and quietly turns on a book light, whispering that she loves me and telling me goodnight. I’m no longer alone.

Heart beat calms, peace washes over me, knowing that tomorrow when I awake, people will be beside me. They’ll tell me good morning, and ask me how I am. And they’re okay if I say I’m terrible. They’ll try to help, or they’ll just send me hugs.

I ain’t made for rivalry, I could never take the world on alone

I never was made for the drama, I don’t mind if you’re better, or prettier, or nicer. All I ask is that you won’t leave me alone. Let me need you, let me love you, let me care about your victories and your failures. Let me bring you coffee and tea, let me send you gifts for your birthdays.

Please let me love you.

And please, don’t leave me alone.

Brother let me be your shelter
(Brother, NEEDTOBREATHE)

Please, let me give back, let me know your dark places. Let me in to your heart. I know I can be cold and needy. I know I have problems, but let me be your shelter. I’ll love you until the sky falls and until the Lord comes again.

Just give me a chance.

I won’t leave you alone.

~~Amie~~

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