If you’ve been around for awhile, you’ll know that I’ve been going on a whole adventure to find myself. I think that everyone at one point in time goes through an adventure to find themselves, just most people don’t turn their blog into an angsty poetry pit. 😂 In fact, it’s an average part of growing up, becoming an individual instead of just a person.
But I do wish someone had handed me a bit of a guide to get me through the hardest parts, so today I’m writing that for you guys.
Here are 10 of the dilemmas I stumbled upon in trying to become an individual, and some things that helped me dig myself out of them.
1. Advice doesn’t work for everyone
I can feel you all scratching your head on the other side of the screen. Why the heck are you reading this blog if advice doesn’t work for everyone? Well, I needed quippy one line sentences, in which I’d explain in the paragraphs below. So you’re luck, I’m about to explain.
Not all people fit into one shoe size, and in the same way, not all people fit with one piece of advice. While I’m not discouraging searching for advice, and trying advice out, keep in mind that you’re in a shoe store. It’s okay to put a pair back that’s pinching your feet. Keep searching, and maybe spend time just figuring it out yourself.
I know I’ve been distracted from the actual doing by just researching. Research can be overwhelming, and you can easily get overwhelmed or tell yourself that until you have all the possible information, you won’t start changing.
We don’t get our life together by waiting until we have all the information in order. We get our life together by going and receiving information as we go.
2. You can’t fix everything overnight
I love coming up with lists. I love coming up with a list of problems with a list of solutions and then set out to do it all at once. But your problems didn’t show up overnight, and fixing them overnight won’t work.
Habits are funny little things that like to pile up overtime, but in order to start hard, new things, you need to give yourself time. Start a new thing each week, and keep track. Keep yourself accountable, but don’t try to put a whole new load on your shoulders. That’s the quickest way to get yourself quit.
And then it’ll be easier for you subconscious to convince you to not try again, lying to you and calling you a quitter.
You. Are. Not. A. Quitter. You just didn’t have the right strategy the first time. So strategize. Life is a game, and you have to figure out how to be the winner.
3. Water will never taste like wine
And now I’ve scared off all the children. What I mean by this is simply. Healthy things will always taste healthy. I don’t care how many people advertise, saying they’re able to make something “healthy” taste like a cinnamon roll. Broccoli will always taste like broccoli, and cinnamon rolls will always taste like cinnamon rolls. You just need to train yourself to like broccoli.
So don’t wait until your water tastes like wine. Be honest with yourself, you’re drinking water and eating broccoli. But you’re doing this because it’ll make your body feel better than wine and cinnamon rolls make you feel.
Trust me, cinnamon rolls will always taste good. But one day you’ll realize you don’t want as many cinnamon rolls as you used to.
4. Your best accountability partner is yourself
I see so many people getting caught in the part where they don’t have an accountability partner. Or they’re waiting for someone to give them a shove. Only you can give yourself motivation. Only you can keep yourself accountable. Only you can actually pick your body up and put yourself in the gym.
So while yes, find someone to help you, you have to commit to helping yourself.
5. Social media is never real – until it is
We’re told to never trust social media, that it’s a curated feed. And while there’s truth to this, there are some people who are committed to helping others and showing the truth in their journeys. And it might be a great resource for you as you embark on your journey.
Maybe start a blog, post TikTok videos, or keep an updated Instagram on your goal, and the moments of reaching it. Just remember to be real, to allow the unhappy moments in your journey to show through.
6. You can put on different shoes to run the same mile
This goes in hand with the first tip. Just because your sister has run the mile in Nikes doesn’t mean you have to run the mile in Nikes. Find your shoes, your style, your dream life, and run for it. Just because your definition of success isn’t a rich, famous being doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for your success. Or that you should settle for less.
When I first started my journey, I had this idea that I had to be the perfect daughter, and follow the path of success that my parents wrote out for me. But I realized that wearing those shoes gave me blisters. And they weren’t worth the blisters. Not a single part of me liked those shoes, and so now I run the same mile in my own chosen shoes.
So find your shoes, and run your mile.
7. Sleep is the magic eraser
I hated sleep. I’ve always hated sleep. In order to get me to fall asleep as a baby, my mom would have to put a blanket over my crib so I couldn’t see anything. And that attitude went with me through my life.
But in my journey, I found that sleep is a magic eraser. It fixes so many things, from sore muscles, to anxiety, to the grey clouds that cover you. Of course, you can have too much sleep. But for those people who hate sleep like I did, it’s a magic eraser. It fixes marks and bumps that nothing else can clean.
8. You can’t fix yourself and others at the same time
Early on my journey, I wanted to fix everyone else and myself all at the same time. Because I’m a superhero, right? I can do it all, and I can help everyone and anyone in need.
You can’t help a person swim when you’re drowning.
No one needs you as much as you need yourself. Take time to learn how to swim, to get out of the water before you start helping other drowning souls. I’m not saying to be selfish, and to ignore others who need your help. But you’ll only end up being extra weight if you’re still drowning when you try to save them.
9. The only person who can introduce you to yourself is yourself
I spent so much polling people who know me to find adjectives they used to describe me, to get opinions, to find out more about myself from them with the hopes that what they said would make everything in life so much clearer to me. Because I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be.
Because deep down I didn’t believe I could ever be anyone worthwhile.
You are the only person who can introduce you to yourself. You are the only person who can truly know your pains, traumas, your dreams, inspiration, and personality. Take time to meet yourself, spend time being quiet with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
And everything else will be much easier.
10. Pick puppies and flowers, not cares and concerns
Life was very personal to me. Every word said to me in a conversation had a personal implication. Everyone’s pains and concerns became mine as soon as they voiced them. The world was a weight to carry, and I had signed up willingly to carry it. But the world doesn’t have to be like that.
Most things in life aren’t personal.
I know you’ve heard the saying, the world doesn’t revolve around you. And it means so much more than you aren’t the star of every party. It also means that most people aren’t even thinking about you when they talk to you. They’re too busy thinking about themselves. And the problems and concerns they have? They’re none of your business.
You don’t have to hold onto cares and concerns. Instead, hold on to what makes you happy. Pick the puppies and flowers in life, not the cares and concerns.
These are just a few lessons I’ve learned over the past two years, and I’ve hardly done them any justice. If you have any questions, or lessons you’ve learned in trying to be your better self, feel free to drop them in the comments. I love conversation starters. 😉
Keep going on this journey. It’s hard, and sometimes it sucks, but it’s so worth it in the long run.
Ever upward and onward, my friend.