Life is a roller coaster, and I’m honored to have been offered a seat. But at times, I get so motion sick, I think about jumping off.
Do you ever have those moments in live where you hate everything you write. You hate all that you create. You can’t view the future through anything but a foggy glass and you wonder if you’ll ever feel the drive and dedication you’ve felt in the past.
At the moment, that’s where I am.
Every time I pray, asking for direction, all I hear is the word wait. Wait for what? I have no idea. It probably won’t be anything huge, just a small moment that pushes me in towards whatever direction God has intended. The only problem is I hate waiting. I’d rather cruise along, taking wrong turns, then idle at a stop sign as I wait for instructions.
But we don’t get to choose some things.
I honestly don’t know what I’m writing this post. It’s not educational, it’s not encouraging, it’s not poetic. But sometimes I don’t want to be all those things. I don’t want to be a perfect person on the internet. I want to be real, I want to be broken, I want to be alive.
So I write this post.
To show you that I’m a real person, a person who doesn’t always follow a schedule, doesn’t always have a three month plan. Sometimes I fly by the seat of my pants, sometimes I just allow myself to feel lazy and alone. I’m broken, but I’m still useful. I cry at night, and I laugh during the day. I grieve and I smile, I joke and I hurt. Because I’m a living breathing person. I’m alive, living life to the fullest, even if that means risking being hurt.
Life is an interesting thing. A conundrum, a rotating beam. And it’s our job to keep from falling off of it. One side is full of pain, heartache, and hard decisions. The other side is full of laughter, smiles, and happy memories. Lean too far into either and you’ll have problems with both.
I don’t know what you’re going through this week, I don’t know all your pains and your doubts. But I do care about what you’re going through, and I know you have other people in your life that care as well. So even though this is a short post, I hope it’s a good post. A reminder for both you and me.
Keep on keeping on. Choosing the hard that makes you happiest. And I’ll keep on doing the same.
All the hearts,