Leave You Alone

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Everyone needs someone beside them, shining like a lighthouse from the sea.

Lamplight shines through the window, filtering through the lace curtains and slicing the darkness. Emotions grip my chest, tightening and twisting, whispering thoughts and words, swirling and pushing, hating and demanding.

Here I am alone.

But then a text comes. Listen to Brother by Needtobreathe. 

Brother, let me be your shelter
Never leave you alone
I’ll be the one you call
When you’re low

The acoustics in my room are magical, the music in the darkness calm the tears that long to be released. Soothe the pain filled ache, and remind me that I am no longer alone.

There are so many brothers I have in my life. One’s giggle sounds like tee-hee-hee, her eyes laugh along with her voice, she understands my wackiness and she is always there to annoy. Another one listens to me, tells me I am not nothing. She “tucks” me in, reminding me I’m no longer alone. She whispers truth and helps me look to find the root problem. Another is a genius, brainstorming with me, loving me, and she is unafraid of the darkness in my mind. Another laughs with me for a whole hour, reminding me of God’s new mercies, of His love and forgiveness, and helping me embrace my awkwardness.

I know that in my weakness I am stronger
It’s your love that brings me home.

Left alone in my mind, struggling through the clouds, looking for land. Where was the home that I left? Where am I? Who am I?

A gentle hand, holding mine and keeping me grounded, reminding me that home isn’t far away. My beliefs are a reality. I’m not all alone.

Humans to keep me believing in the world around me. Humans to remind me that the world isn’t just virtual. There is a real reality. There is a home. There is a world outside my mind, and all I have to do is call. They’ll take me home.

Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home.

The darkness is no longer full of thoughts and fears. Instead, my heart is soothed, my mind at rest. I’m not alone. My dog is at my feet, her head resting on my ankle. I know I’m not alone.

My sister walks into the room, and quietly turns on a book light, whispering that she loves me and telling me goodnight. I’m no longer alone.

Heart beat calms, peace washes over me, knowing that tomorrow when I awake, people will be beside me. They’ll tell me good morning, and ask me how I am. And they’re okay if I say I’m terrible. They’ll try to help, or they’ll just send me hugs.

I ain’t made for rivalry, I could never take the world on alone

I never was made for the drama, I don’t mind if you’re better, or prettier, or nicer. All I ask is that you won’t leave me alone. Let me need you, let me love you, let me care about your victories and your failures. Let me bring you coffee and tea, let me send you gifts for your birthdays.

Please let me love you.

And please, don’t leave me alone.

Brother let me be your shelter
(Brother, NEEDTOBREATHE)

Please, let me give back, let me know your dark places. Let me in to your heart. I know I can be cold and needy. I know I have problems, but let me be your shelter. I’ll love you until the sky falls and until the Lord comes again.

Just give me a chance.

I won’t leave you alone.

~~Amie~~

~Alone~

Sometimes, I feel left out.  People see beauty in things where my reasonable mind is going, “HELP.  WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT?”  Sometimes, I feel alone, because what I see as beautiful is neglected and laughed at.  Sometimes, I feel loved, because someone will take the time to look at something through my eyes.  Sometimes I feel empty, because my world is full of grays.  Sometimes, I feel musical, because my world has never been so bright before.  Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t me, because me is a very had thing to be.

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I like to hide behind something.  I don’t like to show who I really am, because sometimes that causes too much pain.  I’m considered a very honest person, but I’m not honest with myself.  I’m thought of as a bubbly personality, but inside I’m very flat.  People tell me I’m cute, they say I make them laugh, and they move on with their lives, while I stay where I am.  Alone.

But I’ve realized that only when you’re alone can you really appreciate life.  Life with someone isn’t the same as life by yourself.  When you have someone to lean on, you don’t learn half as well, listen quite as well, or make your own decisions.  When you’re alone, you find that you really are never alone.  You find that you aren’t the person you want to be, but there’s only one way to become that person.

And so?  You have a choice.  Do you want to drowned out the fact that you aren’t happy with yourself by having other people be happy in you, or do you want to take the rocky road and become the best you you can be?

The only way you can become the person you want to be is by being alone…And yet, you aren’t alone.  The only way you can become the person that loves unconditionally, waits patiently, laughs merrily, and keeps plodding along is by looking past yourself, and looking above.  Not in your own strength can you become anything worth while.

I should know.  I’ve tried.

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Not with the help of a million followers, a dozen fans, or a couple of friends can you become the person you want to be.

I should know.  I’ve tried.

The only way you can become the person you were created to be is by stopping, and turning your eyes away from yourself.  You must look above, and acknowledge you weakness.  Because, dear friend, in you weakness, God’s strength can come through you. If you want to be a lamp, you must first have Someone light you.

Once upon a time, there actually were people who were exactly as they were created to be.  But they weren’t happy with that.  And so?  They brought a lot of grief into this sin-sick world.  They themselves brought sin, and now we are sinners because of them.  Imagine their grief.  Actually, don’t do that, that would be pretty painful.

The only way that God could save his children was by sending His Son to be a human (Though He still was God), and die a human death.  When you feel alone, neglected, slighted…Remember how Christ must have felt.  He showed people He was God by His miracles, and yet, they didn’t believe Him.  He saw beauty in everything, even the deformed leper, while everyone else only saw dirtiness.  Christ saw beauty in everything.  Imagine how discouraging it would be for people to constantly remark on how different He was.

You aren’t alone.  Anything, and I mean ANYTHING, you experience in this life, Christ has experienced it in some way.  And then He was crucified for you.  For you, the person that feels alone.  The person who just can’t do it anymore.  The person who hides their real self.  The person who isn’t loved.  The person who is tired.  Whatever your struggles, Christ hasn’t left you alone.  He’s here, next to you now.

To really know Christ, to really understand how much He cares, you need to be alone.  You need to be weak.  In order for Christ to save you, you must be lost.  The Physician didn’t come to heal the well, He came to heal the sick.

And that, my friend, should bring you hope.  It should bring you God’s hope.

~~Amie~~

P.S. I apologize Cam isn’t writing today, but I felt that this needed to be posted, and well…It doesn’t really go with Cam’s character.