I like reason. I like to know everything behind an idea, everything behind a request, and everything behind a rule. Backstories are my specialties, and as a child, my favorite word was a simple question. Why?

The problem for me with the word why started in church. According to my teachers as a child, you aren’t supposed to ask God why. You aren’t supposed to ask why God made giraffes giraffes, or why he decided to make the sun be daytime. You aren’t supposed to ask him why he put you in your family, or why he didn’t send someone besides his only son to die. You aren’t supposed to ask why, even when a family member dies, or someone hurts you so badly you doubt you’ll ever be the same again.

I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to ask why.

And in fact, I still don’t.

As Christians, for some reason we seem to have been conditioned for easy believism. As Americans, we’re taught to take things exactly as they are. It’s all for a test, so as long as you can spout out whatever the teacher was teaching you, you have no reason to understand the why behind the fact.

But we aren’t supposed to just settle for what’s handed to us.

 The Bible says, “Prove all things, hold fast to which is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21) We are supposed to ask WHY. Why do we believe the Bible? Why do we believe in God? Why does our faith make us act differently than the world around us? WHY?

One of my favorite books in the Bible is Job. I know, I know, a lot of people find it really depressing, but I personally don’t. Why? Because here is one book in the Bible where we see a conversation between God and a man who is suffering. And what does Job do?

He asks why?

And God answers him. Now, God doesn’t answer him with an easy answer, or even with an answer that you and I would want. God answers him, and God asks Job to trust. Because God is the God who hung the moon in the sky and created the great depth of ocean, and all of the things in-between. And maybe when you ask why, that will be your answer. 

I also love the minor prophets for the same reason. Here are small books that are often overlooked by the church today. Books filled with truth, filled with conversations God has with men like you and me. And these prophets as God why. In some of the books, they argue with God, they run from God, and yet. 

God doesn’t strike them dead. He doesn’t turn his back on them. He isn’t enraged that his chosen men are asking him why. 

Instead, he answers them. 

We should ask why. The Christian religion should be full of why’s. We should search for the answers, question the answers, and search some more. We should never settle for a “because.” Unless we know it’s something that just is. Like gravity.

What are some why’s that you are wondering about right now?


Which Road Will You Take?


Is Christianity worth it any more?

I was the child who loved God. I loved being in His Word, new verses excited me, catechism class was my favorite part of the week. I loved to listen to hymns, to learn new ones, to be with other people who shared my faith. I grew up around extremely conservative Christians. People who wore long skirts, kept their hair long, hardly ever wore makeup.

As I aged, I was constantly critiqued by these people. I would never stand up to their standard. Or at least, the standard I placed on myself. I would accidentally say shocking things, things that didn’t fit in with their lifestyle. I was wicked to them, and I must reform myself in their ways or be alone.

And I hated being alone.

But they didn’t care about me. As I got older, things happened in my life, but they never asked how I was doing. They would just critique other people who were “wickeder” then us. People didn’t mind if I came to church and hid in a corner, as long as I just came to church. People didn’t care if I stopped enjoying Scripture, as long as I knew the key passages and could flip through a Bible.

So I began to hate Christianity, because no one cared about my heart. No one cared if I didn’t believe God could really love me. I mean, all they talked about was God’s wrath anyway. Yes, I’m going to hell, why not go to hell in a hand basket?

I started wearing pants. Because who would stop me? I cut my hair. To prove that good girls can have short hair. I dyed my hair. To prove to my dad that hair dying wasn’t against the Bible. I wore makeup. To prove to myself that I could be the same person inside with a modified face. I changed myself. Because I wanted to prove to people that I could still know everything that was important to them in my head, but I didn’t care enough to follow their stupid rules any longer.

I no longer wanted to read God’s Word. I was angry at Him. Angry at the world. Angry at the people who served Him.

They said they did all this in Christ’s name, and yet they left me again. No one asks how I’m doing. No one cares enough to drag the tears out of me. They were thoughtful enough to appease their own consciousness, sending me letter that said they cared. But they never followed up.

So I turned to the world. Dear Evan Hansen kept me alive. If I just hung on, I would be found. There’s a reason to be alive, someday I would have a future. Someday someone would care.

I drifted through songs, and one day, I ended up listening to “The Devil Came Down To Georgia” on repeat for a whole day. So much, that the Devil came down to Georgia, and entered my dream.

Walking down a golden brick road, holding my violin in one hand and my dreams in the other, I stood at a crossroads. One went up a mountain, narrow, steep and rocky. The other road was flat, it went towards the beach, where the waves whispered happily, and people swam. 

And there I stood, clutching my violin and my dreams, looking down two different roads. My mind told me to go to the mountains, but my heart longed for the sea. 

“Hard choice, isn’t it?” A voice asked from behind me, and I turned to see the devil himself, the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. Tall, ripped, with hair the color of midnight, he smiled a toothpaste commercial smile in my direction. “Don’t worry, you’ve already picked.” He pulled out a golden violin and began to play, dancing in circles around me, pulling me towards the beach. “You decided long ago, dear. It’s just taken you this long to notice. The music that swells from your soul is mine. The tears that flow from your heart, the words that you write, the thoughts you think are all mine.” 

I struggled and strained because in my heart I knew he was right. I had strayed, I had been doing things for him instead of for the One I loved. He was strong, he held me without touching my skin, held me with his ruby eyes and his bewitching smile. I was unable to break his charm.

“Let her go, Lucifer, she’s not your prey.” The voice, like a cymbal, stopped the violin’s play. On the other road stood a large man, close to seven feet tall, dressed in white clothes that looked strangely like Star Wars apparel. “She’s been bought, paid for, and redeemed. She belongs to the King.”

If the white hand hadn’t caught my arm, I would have fallen. The Devil’s shrieks filled the air as the man pulled me back to my feet. “You’re safe, but the choice is still yours. Follow the faith of your fathers, or fall.”

“Please, I want to go with you. I swear, I don’t want to go with him, I don’t want the golden violin or all the fame. Please, let me come with you.”

And with a slight smile, the man turned. “Then follow me.”

I woke in a cold sweat, swearing that I would never listen to that kind of music again. Dreams are weird things, aren’t they? But this one started a small flame that has been growing inside of me.

Most of my friends before never cared about Scripture. They didn’t care what I thought about theology. They didn’t care to talk about Jesus, they weren’t interested in anything but stupid, stupid Christian platitudes, or following a list of what’s wicked and what’s not. But I’m not interested in that.

I want to love God. I don’t want to be a people pleaser, I want to be a Jesus pleaser. I want to be on fire for Him. I’ll gladly trade the golden violin and the fame to know I’m following him. I would gladly give the world for a relationship with my King. Because I am His.

Fame will never fulfill me, a golden violin would never explain me. Christianity is worth it to me. Not the kind where you claim Christ but never search Him, never care to face the lions of the world. Never care to stand like Joseph and place your full trust in Him. But the kind where you stand like Daniel, where you preach like Peter, where you trust like George Müller, where you are in essence . . . a Jesus freak.

Because I’d rather be a Jesus freak than one of the crowd. Maybe the cost is great, but in the end, the gain is beyond comparison.

Which road will you take?


Take Up Your Cross

When you say, “I am a Christian,” and you live in a way that shows that, you will make people uncomfortable.  In fact, Jesus promises that following Him won’t be an easy choice.

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: (Matthew 7:13)

Have you ever been on a mountain?  And did you see a small winding path that barely was even a path?  That is like our Christian walk.  Often we can see the wide path.  It’s paved, and it looks so much easier than our small, rocky path.  We are called to stay on our path if we do not want to go to destruction.

Jesus doesn’t tell us to pick up our picnic basket.  We aren’t going to have fun on this perilous journey.  Jesus says,

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. (Luke 9:23)

We’re to take up our cross daily, and to follow Him.  Not once a week when it’s convenient on Sunday, not once a mouth when it’s communion, not twice a year on Easter and Christmas Eve.  Every single day, we should take up our crosses.

Yes, I’m preaching to myself as much to you.  I fail this concept so badly.  I often don’t want to wash the dishes, or get up from my writing to help my younger sister.  I want to serve myself, and then serve others when it is helpful to me.

Not only do we have to battle ourselves, but we have to battle the world.  To my family, modesty and femininity are very important.  We were at the pool (you can find a post about our swimsuits here) and some other people were there as well.  Suddenly, one lady called her two sons, and up and left.  She told one of the other ladies that our swimsuits “offended her,” and that she had two sons to think about.

We aren’t going to be loved by everyone.  We aren’t supposed to.  God calls us each to our own walk with Him, and He promises that we will be reviled and persecuted.

If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. (John 15:19)

We are to expect this.  But our lives shouldn’t be full of painful expectation.  We should be joyfully moving through life.  God gives us peace and joy even though we go through trials of various kinds.  (James 1) We should look forward to the prize that is ahead, instead of the persecution and trials we face now.  Press ever onward and upward!


Why I’m Not For Girl Power

I don’t believe in girl-power.  I don’t believe woman/girls are any better than men.  Now, I’m not saying men are better than woman.  I’m saying we have a huge problem in the world when little girls who don’t know better are walking around with tee-shirts that say, “Girls rule, boys drool.”

Girls, boys do not drool.  Men are very intelligent, and guess what?  They were made by God, too.  Not only were they made by God, they were made first!

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.–Genesis 2:7

So what about women?  If guys were made first…What about women?

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.–Genesis 2:22

Fifteen verses later, God makes the woman.  God waited to make a woman until man saw that he needed her.  We weren’t just thrown into the equation, girls, we were needed!  But we weren’t needed to gripe and complain, or steal the power from men, we were created to:

but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.–Genesis 2:21b

We were created to help men!

Okay, okay, so we have both girl and boy power, all right?  We’re equal.  Don’t worry about it, Amie!  What’s the big deal?

The big deal is that girls are actually humans, and humans are actually sinners.  And not only are girls sinners, men are sinners too.  What are we told about sinners in the Bible?

Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)–Ephesians 2:5

If we’re dead, what power do we have?  Dead men can’t do nothing, right?  So what power do we have?  None, unless it’s demonic.  So is there really girl power?  No.  There’s no girl power, and there’s no guy power.

Where does the strength come from then?

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.–Psalm 18:2

It isn’t our power, or our strength.  It’s the power of God and Christ Jesus through us.  Alone, we are as dead men (and women) walking blindly through the darkness.

But what if we have feminine strength?  Just leave God out of this issue for once.  Sure, we might have some strength, but what about men?  Why can’t the power be equal?  Why can’t we listen to what our forefathers of this country said?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Yes, when it says men, it does mean women.  Have you ever studied English…or Latin?  One of the rules is that if you’re talking to both men and women, you use the masculine form of the word.

But that isn’t fair!

Of course it isn’t fair!  God doesn’t support fairness.  I’m sorry to break it to you folks, but God doesn’t offer fairness, He offers justice and mercy.  Would you rather fairness, or mercy?

I for one, know my choice.  I can’t leave God out of this issue.  The founding fathers couldn’t leave God out of this issue.  You can’t leave God and Christ Jesus out of your life or this issue.  It won’t work.

Men and women are equal in the sight of God.  He created them both, and they both are made in His image.  (Genesis 1:27)  If we live in a Godless culture, sooner or later the curse on Eve will take place.  (Genesis 3:16)  In fact, I can see it happening today in our culture.

Now is the time for repentance and prayer.  Now is the time to pick up our Bibles and search them for truth.  I’m not expecting you to accept all I have said in this post.  Instead, I’m expecting you to go pick up your Bible off the shelf and figure this issue out for yourself.

Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.