Ramblings #4

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Guys, it’s been October 2018 since I’ve done a rambling post, and my mood today is 100% rambley.  I have too many thoughts, not enough words, and about four unfinished blog posts waiting to be finished.  What does that mean?  It means a whole post full of rambles.

I just returned home from my second walk on a Saturday morning.  In case you were wondering, yes, I enjoy walking a lot…Except when it’s already 85 degrees at ten in the morning.  A heat wave has flown through the Southern States, and blah.  This is going to be a really hot Memorial Day.

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That being said, happy national cooler day.  I feel like I need to stick my body in a cooler, LOL.  Anyway, what is your favorite soft drink/drink you find in a cooler at a party?  Lemonade or sparkling water are my favorites, followed by just plain water.

I’ve been reading my Bible a lot, and I’m actually about to start the National Bible Bee, which I’m slightly nervous about, since it is my first year doing it.  I’m so excited to get started and learn as much as I can about God’s Word, but at the moment I’ve been reading Job and learning a lot.

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I’ve been struggling with hating myself.  Well, I’ve come to realize it isn’t myself I really hate, just the sin in myself that I battle with daily.  I’ve been making a lot of mistakes, and every mistake has gotten me down.  I’m not willing to just accept that I made a mistake, ask for forgiveness and move on.  Because I really stink at moving on.

I have a hard time moving on with friendships, with projects, and with mistakes.  I like to dwell on each one, hoping it’ll get better, or wishing I could change something instead of accepting that it’s done, it’s over, and I need to look ahead instead of behind.

Colossians 3 talks about the new person we are in Christ, it speaks on what we should take off, what we should put on, and what we should set our minds to think of.  We aren’t to set our minds on the things of the earth (Colossians 3:2), but on the things of heaven.  My mistakes are things on earth.  They’re forgiven by my Savior, and prayerfully, they’re forgiven by the people I’ve injured.

My mind often tries to dwell on my mistakes.  In Philippians 4:8, we’re told to dwell on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent things, and things worthy of praise.  Let me tell you, none of my mistakes are any of those things.

And so, I’m letting go, and I’m letting God.  He’s the one that can fix my mistakes, and help me to be more and more like Him in heart and conduct.  Remembering my mistakes certainly doesn’t do that.

And now we shall interrupt this broadcast to move on to a more cheerful topic, like music that Amie is enjoying.

*coughs* And there you go, that should give you a bunch of different styles and yeah.  Enjoy.

Let’s see, I have fifteen minutes before I have to wash dishes, so let me search my brain for rambles.   I honestly haven’t been doing much besides gardening, school, working, and surviving.

Due to a few health issues, I haven’t been very high energy, but we’re trying to fix that. 🙂

So I’m going to give you a run down of our 3,000 sq. ft. garden.  We’ve planted almost everything…I still have another batch of corn to plant, but we’re staggering the corn, so I think I’ll plant it mid June.

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We have marigolds all alone the edge of the garden to bring happy bugs.  We also have dusty millers to keep unwelcome guests away.  And another kind of flower to keep squash bugs away.  (Squash bugs make my stomach churn.  Blah.)

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This is an awesome picture, showing redneck engineering and our wonderful pepper plant.  Honestly, I don’t have many pictures, because after I’m done working in the garden, I don’t really want to take pictures.

We have melons, squash (four different kinds?), peppers (again, 4 or 5 different kinds), green beans, corn, tomatoes (4 different kinds?), egg plant, flowers, ummm…*brain freeze* Some other stuff I can’t remember.

And to end this slightly rambley post, what are your plans for Memorial Day?  Has summer started for you?  Do you like rambley posts, or more thought-out, interesting ones?

~~Amie~~

Hating Yourself

Look at the big picture, and not at the blemish.

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I often tell my sisters and my friends that.  It’s a way I keep an optimistic outlook on things that look extremely dark or grey.  In the best of paintings, you need the shadows, and it’s the same with our journey called life.  A short time after I had repeated this to my sister, I was unburdening my heart with my mom.

Lately, the Devil has been trying to have me look at all my failings.  I read the lists of sins in the Bible, and hate myself passionately, because I commit those sins!  The abominations in Proverbs leave me blue, while the sins in the New Testament have me depressed the rest of the day.  Because I can’t do it.  I keep sinning again, and again, and again.

And so, I was telling my mom about my failures, and my hatred of the failing me.  She looked at me, and said,

“Well, Amie.  Are you still hitting your siblings?  Do you still have those same hurtful comments that you used to make in the past?”

And then it hit me.  I hate looking at the past, because I see all my failures.  I see the stains of the past, I see the hurt, and I see all the things I wish weren’t there.  But if you don’t look at the past, you won’t see how far you have come.  You won’t see the answered prayers, the blessings, and yes, you won’t see the person you have blossomed to be.

God has given you the past to shape you to be who you are now.  Yes, the past might have hurt.  Yes, the past is filled with sins.  Yes, the past wasn’t ideal.  And no, you aren’t perfect, but if you’ve been going through the Refiner’s fire, you have had some dross that has come off.

The furnace is hot, and it hurts, but we become much finer pieces of gold afterwards.  The furnace isn’t a one time deal either.  We go in again and again to remove different impurities.  Just like shaping a mound of clay isn’t an immediate process, and painting isn’t done immediately.  Books take time, music takes time, everything takes time.

Becoming the perfect person you want to be will take time, but the time spent will be worth it.  Right now you see the smudge in the painting of your life, but in the future, you’ll look back and see that that smudge made a scene much prettier.

Don’t hate yourself because of your failings.  Don’t hate yourself because of your sins.  Jesus didn’t hate you for your sins, in fact, He came to earth to make a way so that your sins would be forgotten and forgiven.  Yes, I said forgotten.  God doesn’t remember your shortcoming once you have confessed and repented.  Isn’t that amazing?  And so, we must press on and pray continually.  Someday, we’ll look back at this season of life and realize that the hardship we’re going through now are only making us stronger, and our life better for what was to come.

How often do you get discouraged because of your failings?  Don’t let the Devil bring you down because of them.  They’re forgiven and forgotten.  In the big picture, they’re only a dark color to make the rest of the colors brighter.

~~Amie~~