People Like People Sometimes

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Recently someone said to me, “People usually like people that like them.” That hit me hard. I’ve always assumed that people wouldn’t like me, regardless of how nice I was, how sweet I came across. I’ve been the first one to make fun of myself, to say what I already assume they’re thinking, to beat them to the critique, to beat them to saying the thing that will wound me.

I’m a people pleasure. Nothing makes me more happy than the people around me being happy. Everything about me craves affirmation and a smile from the people around me. My love language is words of affirmation. All I want to hear is that I’m enough for those I care about, that I doing enough, soothing their needs, and brightening their days. In a way, this can be a strength. People tell me about my caring heart, about how I notice things about people and remember their favorites.

But it’s also one of my biggest weaknesses. The minute I attach myself to someone, I’m loyal until they break me. Until they destroy me, bring tears streaming down my cheeks, and I’ve tried everything to be enough.

Olivia Rodrigo says in her song, “Enough,” these words:

Yeah, you always say I’m never satisfied
But I don’t think that’s true
You say I’m never satisfied
But that’s not me, it’s you
‘Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough
But I don’t think anything could ever be enough
For you

There’s nothing I want more to be than enough for those who I love. I want to be enough for those who just meet me, I want to be liked by the person who just greeted me. But I immediately expect I won’t be enough, that I won’t be liked.

Because my whole childhood was never being enough. My whole childhood was being disliked, being teased, being excluded. I’m used to be the wallflower.

The thing is . . . I was told this by someone in January. And I’ve done a lot of growing since then, especially when it comes to the problem of being enough.

Me on my own would never ever be enough. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, all I do, it would all be in vain. But I’m not left on my own. This year I’ve been learning about my identity, learning about who I am, and what that means.

I am a child of God. Which means Christ died for me, and gave me his enough (he was perfect, so of course he was enough!). He wrapped in in his enough, tying it around me and giving me a smile. And because of his enough, I get a smile from God, too. It doesn’t matter what I do, how much I screw up, I still have Christ’s enough. (And let me tell you, I screw up A LOT every day.)

I’m enough, and not only am I enough, and I have God’s smile, but I have an relationship with Christ and God the Father! It’s wild, that Christ and God would want to have a relationship with me, a tiny human on a small planet called earth. The creator of the universe cares about me. And not only cares about me, he calls me daughter!

My mind is truly blown.

But now I don’t have to worry about being enough. I don’t have to worry about coming across as perfectly nice and sweet so everyone likes me. I am who I am, and not everyone will like me. And if you ask me, that’s perfectly okay.

I know who I am.

Who are you?

~~Amie~~

What Do You Want To Fix? (Three Ways to Become a Better Person)

“What do you want to fix about yourself?”

“Um. Everything.”

When we look at ourselves, we see so many flaws. Too thin, too large, too many bones, too many stretch marks, too morbid, too happy, too giggly, too quiet, too flirty, too standoffish, too nerdy, too stupid, too opinionated, too indecisive . . . the list continues to build as you stare at yourself, trying to figure out what to fix.

If you struggle with an illness, mental or physical, the list seems longer. Too tired, too sad, too confused, in too much pain, too broken.

It’s overwhelming to choose just one thing to fix, to choose one thing to be thankful for because there are so many things that needs to change. How do we change ourselves and at the same time, be grateful for who we are?

Understand your Strengths

I’m sure most of us struggle with this. I don’t see myself as gifted, or unusual, or strong in any way. It’s hard for me to see any quality inside myself as a strength, especially when you realize that the thing you were probably rebuked about the most as a child can be your greatest strength.

I was a stubborn kid. Like, really really stubborn. When I was five, my mom and I would argue for half an hour over my outfit, and the argument usually ended with my mom backing down. (Since then, my mom has learned to let her daughters explore fashion and figure out who they are by themselves. She says you got to pick your battles, and outfits aren’t worth the battle.) If I decide to do something, I’m going to do it, come what may. But it goes the opposite way, too. If I decide I’m not doing something, I’m not doing it. (Which still at times can get me in trouble.)

We all have strengths that can be translated into annoying or troublesome facts about yourself. For instance, I’m also really distractible. Conversations aren’t my forte, because I’m going five million places in five minutes, and I’ve already found the answer to my question and moved on to a totally different topic by the time you’ve caught up with me. Some people would find this annoying, and at times it really is. I have to work twice as hard to learn from a teacher or to listen to podcasts or sermons. But it’s also a strength because I’m able to more in a day than most people, and I’m positive it helps me with my creative and random ideas.

Identify what you want to become.

We can identify bad habits and weaknesses all day long, tearing us down until we don’t want to do anything because we’re such terrible people. How can we become anyone or anything? But instead of identifying bad habits, we need to identify the person we want to become.

What do I mean by that? It’s easy to list reasons why we can’t become who we want to become, easy to say that we are us, and that’s it. But if we want to become more like Christ, if we want to become a healthy person, if we want to be an actor, a writer, a musician, a dancer, an author, fill in the blank, we need to identify that, and act on it. Once we know, “I want to be a mentally stable person.” Or “I want to be more like Christ,” we can figure out what to fix.

The steps to becoming something or someone is slow and steady work, but it’s not impossible.

Create a path, and don’t give up.

I love lists. Lists, lists, and more lists. I have notebooks full of lists, I have lists on my computer, I have lists beside my bed. When I journal, I journal in lists. Why do I love lists so much? Because for my brain, they don’t overwhelm me. I can take all my fears, all that I know and everything that’s floating around in my head, and spit it out in a list.

A list helps me take baby steps to success and quenches the overwhelming thoughts and anxiety that keep me from taking action. But the hardest thing is sticking to the list. Because it gets boring, and missing one day can’t hurt, can it? And then you miss two days and you get discouraged, wondering if you should continue working on this.

Don’t give up. Maybe you’ll end up taking a week off. Just start back where you started, and continue working towards your final goal. Lists are there to stay, and keep you on track, even if you fall behind schedule, or struggle to stay on track.

~~Amie~~

EDIT: The new WordPress design is not being very friendly for me at the moment, and so you’re blessed with an early post. 😂