Humanity

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I have lost my faith in humanity.

I have lost it many times before, but somehow, it’s found it’s way back. But…now I don’t know. I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with bronchitis. And to make a long story short, my mom ended up going to the doctor herself, after my appointment, and left me in the car.

I expected her to be gone 15 minutes, maybe 30 at the latest. She had left the windows open for me, and for the first thirty minutes I was okay. Like, I didn’t feel good, but I was okay.

And then a flip just kinda switched in my delusional sick brain, and I started crying. And I proceeded to sob for thirty minutes because everything in the world was awful and I just wanted to be home. Right. now. And so I sobbed in a fairly busy parking lot, with the windows opened, and people walking by my car, but not one stopped to even look at me, let alone ask if the teenage girl, sobbing in the car, was alright.

No, I wasn’t very nice to my mom when she came back in the car, and I’m sorry, Mom. I love you, and I know you were just trying to do what was best for both of us. ❤

But it just made me realize. This one of the reasons that in America we have abusive situations, the reason there’s so many people stuck in trafficking, and so many suicides. People don’t stop to ask what’s the matter. They aren’t concerned when they see a teenager crying in the car. They don’t stop when a girl is crying in the public bathroom.

We are all lost in our own world, our own woes, and our own circles. We don’t pause to shine the light of Christ to others, we don’t stop to get ourselves dirty in other’s troubles. We don’t ask people how they’re doing, and really expect them to answer how they are. The American society is full of fake interactions, fake questions, and fake answers. We are all “independent.” We make our own way in the world, and wait for no one, care for no one, and are fully invested in our self love.

But if you only take time to love yourself, you haven’t time to love others. You’re stuck, staring deep inside yourself, getting lost in your mind, and putting yourself in front of others. Listen, there’s this great acrostic, it goes like this:

Jesus
Others
You.

In order to have true joy, you need to be last in your plans. Because listen, if we all follow this, you will fall into someone else’s others. And you will be taken care of, without having to put all your attention on yourself.

Some people might say that this is an idealistic society, and it is. We should always be striving to the ideal. Christ laid down the ideal for us, where we care for each other as brothers and sisters in the church. There is no excuse for us to not pay attention to those in the pews at church, there’s no excuse for you to hurry out before speaking to at least one person. There’s no reason you should walk through Walmart without giving at least one person a smile. There’s no reason why you should walk down the street and not node to at least one person.

It’s easy for us to avoid people because we don’t want to have to listen to their complaints, to carry their pain, or give them the time of day. But we need to, because sometimes, through helping others, you help yourself.

There’s this awesome NF song called, “If You Want Love.” The chorus is so true, and is something that each of us needs to understand.

“If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain
If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change
If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away
If you want love, if you want love”

I want love. So I’ll risk the pain.

~~Amie~~

P.S. Kellyn Roth is having an awesome giveaway on her Instagram. Check it out here!

Enough

Sometimes, I really don’t know what to write.  My life is blank, my mind is blank, and I feel like I really need a cup of coffee.  There’s this little antsy itch that wants to go check social media, and waste time, because my brain is fried.

Sometimes, I feel very ill.  It’s more than I can do to just smile at the people passing by, but I must keep going.  I will my body to keep moving, and tell myself that it’ll get better.  Tomorrow, I’ll be better.  But tomorrow, I’m not better.

Sometimes, I’m just depressed.  I feel like the world is a grey blank in space.  And time someday will be no more, and I’ll be cold in my grave.  What good will I have done, then?   I’m just not enough.  My writing is just not enough, my body is just not enough, and I AM JUST NOT ENOUGH.

I have to fight these feelings.  They confront me at every turn.  Always a little whisper. Always that little nag of, “you’re not enough.”  BUT!  I’m here to tell you that you ARE enough.

In the Psalms, David marvels at God’s omnipotence, and then he writes in Psalm 139,

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

I can never believe that verse.  My head believes it, yes, but my heart?  Does my heart believe it.  Does your heart believe it?  God knows your hair color.  He knows your personality type.  He made you your perfect height, and ALL FOR A REASON.

Once, there was a little girl who was terribly sad.  Why?  Because she didn’t have blue eyes and blond hair.  She had black hair, and brown eyes. All the pretty little girls had blue eyes and blond hair, but God hadn’t given her that.  She was short instead of willowy, and altogether, she was unhappy with her looks.

Fast forward a few years.  This girl was Gladys Aylward.  She found a reason why God had given her dark hair, and a short stature as she ministered in China.  God has a reason for where you are now.  He has a reason for who you are, and YOU ARE PERFECT.

You might not be enough, but God wants you to feel that you are lacking so that you then fly to Jesus.  So then we may fully know that,

When I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)

God is our strength.  He makes us “enough.”  Whenever you feel lacking, fly!  Fly to Jesus. He is our strength.  The only strength that will really make us strong, and He is the only thing that can determine our worth.

You’re beautiful.  You’re strong.  You’re worth something in Jesus’ sight.  Don’t listen to the devil’s lies.  He’s real, and he’s real good at lying.  The world is colorful, and if you have the joy of Jesus in your life, you will find the simple things wonderful.  God has planned a day for you to be born, and to die.  Never listen to the lies that tell you otherwise.

Take time to thank God for how He has made you.  When you’re depressed, or tired, or just lacking, take time to ask God to help you.  To fill you.  To show you the joy that is in your life.  He’ll listen to you, and He’ll answer all prayers prayed in faith.

~~Amie~~

P.S. Two more days for my giveaway!  Entered at the end of this post.

Is There Hope?

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Sometimes, I get really discouraged.

YOU?  The bubbly, energetic girl who always has a thousand ideas, is told non-stop she’s good at a million things, and the same one who is always making others laugh?

Yeah, me.  ‘Cause I’m not the girl I just described.  I’m also the girl who can’t pronounce pint right.  I’m the girl who is often hurting people’s feelings with my sharp tongue, and hurting my siblings during the regular rough house.  I’m the girl who trips over her words, messes up the piano piece, falls down for no apparent reason, and I’m the girl who just can’t get anything right.

I often battle with my worth.  How can a worthless girl have any worth to God?  How can a girl who has no talent to boast of stand before the King of Kings?  What can I do to serve Him who gave His life for me?

Those thoughts and a million others chase themselves through my head at eleven at night after a terrible day full of a crazy amount of work, some discouraging emails, and the thought that I might not be cut out for life after all.  Sometimes I just don’t have the courage to even open my Bible, because I know during that time I’ll find the verse that says,

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.”–Romans 3:10-12

After reading that, I would be about to cry.  Because I know I’m not righteous.  I’m a failure in everything I try to do for Christ.  I often ignore my conscience, and I sin a lot.  When I think of all that, often my heart fails within me.  Because for me there must be no hope.

But that’s not true.  There is hope.

“But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:”– Romans 3:21-25

Praise the Lord, God doesn’t count my righteousness, He counts my faith in Jesus Christ.  There’s no difference between me and a murderer.  But for the mercy of God, I’d be out there killing people.  We have all sinned, and failed in the sight of God.  Me, your neighbor, you, and the famous person you watch on TV.  There’s no difference between us for,

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”–Jeremiah 17:9

But we have the chance to be justified freely by God’s grace through redemption that is in Jesus Christ.

My worth to God doesn’t count on how much good I do, how many toys I donate to Toys for Tots, or how many times I can sing a song in tune.  My worth is through Jesus Christ.  When you or I are discouraged, it’s time we

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”–James 4:7

We need to resist the devil.  The devil is alive and well, and desperate to catch us in the slough of despond.  The only way we can make a difference in this world is to stand up and acknowledge the devil’s real, and resist him in Jesus’ name.  No other name will quench those thoughts in our minds.  We need to live our lives in a way that we can say with C.S.Lewis,

“My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.”

May we live like this today and everyday.  Remember, Friend, your worth isn’t in what you do, or who you are.  If you’re a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and rest on Him alone for salvation, your worth is in your Savior, Creator, and King.

~~Amie~~