Growth

I started blogging when I was thirteen. Something inside of me craved a blog, craved to take my words and put them inlace on the internet. I wanted to find people like me, people who would read my words and understand. Understand the emotions that filtered through my mind. And when I started blogging, there was one thing I swore to myself.

I would never stop blogging.

It’s been years on WordPress now. It’s been about four different designs for my blog, four different ways to present myself. And part of me isn’t disappointed. I haven’t been disappointed with the people I’ve met, with the stories I’ve told. I’ve found myself through poetry, I’ve found who I am as I’ve grown and changed. But this year, I entered a new season of life.

I’ve been working full time, while being a part of a writing conservatory, and trying business ventures. Overall, I’ve just worn myself out. Each moment I have is taken up with some kind of work, whether it’s art, writing, or actual work at the coffee shop. My soul finds itself growing exhausted, my mind doesn’t have enough brain cells to split with everything.

But thankfully, I have five days off work. Five days with nothing to do except heal. Because I’ve had wisdom teeth surgery. Needless to say, surgery is NOT fun, lol. But I’m surviving. I look like a a chipmunk and feel like I’ve been in a fight, but on the positive side, it’s giving me time to write. Time to come back to my blog, the place where I belong.

This past week has been full of amazing things. First off, I started drafting a novella, which I’m so excited about.

Astoria’s existence revolved around her scientific discoveries — no, really. If she didn’t make scientific discoveries, the rulers of the merrealms would euthanize her and her family, turning them into the sea foam that capped each wave. And even though she was a mermaid, she had no experience with humans or luring them into the depths. . . that is, until a siren brought in a half drowned man with the perfect genetic makeup to save their world — and her life — once and for all. 

Weapon of the Deep, concept

I started it on Friday, because besides watch movies, that was about all I could do. I’m afraid reading has had no attraction for me, and sleep has been hard to obtain. So being productive is the only other option. I’m so excited to see how this project turns out.

And talking about writing, I finished writing my last project on Wednesday. It was a fairytale mashup high-concept fantasy story that I had been writing since May. Which means it was the longest it’s ever taken me to write a book, but I don’t think I regret it. Different seasons of life mean that things take different amounts of time. And I’m proud of this book, it definitely caused me to grow as a writer, and that’s what’s important.

Growth.

I’ve been doing a lot of that, growth. And I don’t know if it’s been fun or if it’s been miserable. Probably a good amount of both, if I’m being truly honest. It’s not fun to have to grow, but it’s what it is.

I also started a new business, called Painted Prose Designs.

It’s a business where I hand paint hardcover books, and I’m so excited about it. The first launch was on Wednesday, so if you’d like to take a look at it, click the button right up there ^

I had so much painting these books, and I hope that you can purchase your favorite book with it’s unique cover. I also have some Christmasy ideas that’ll be launching soon, so make sure to follow the store, or follow Painted Prose Desgin’s Instagram @paintedprosedesigns.

So yeah, to say the least, I’ve been a bit busy this week, lol.

Back in 2017, when I first joined the blogosphere, one of the main questions was why do you blog? And I always struggled with that answer, but I think I know now.

I blogged because I needed it. Now I blog because I know others need it. And I’m so glad to be ale to blog. So thankful to be able to impact other’s lives. It’s something that carries such weight, but also such honor.

Why do you read blogs?

~~Amie~~

No. . .

I’m afraid of no.

I’m afraid of the power it holds over me. It’s a sword to wield, something that glistens when the light hits it. But when it is hidden, it isn’t seen, simply felt. I don’t know how to use it, this powerful word. I don’t understand the impact it has on me, yet not on the rest of the world.

No is a rejection, a refusal, a rebuttal. No is a sucker punch that steals my breath and rams my chest. No is a force that cannot yet be seen. No is something I can’t handle.

I skirt around it’s corners, chasing things but never committing, because all along my fear pins me in place. I am a butterfly on a cork board, a dream stuck in a dream catcher. A spider has woven me a cocoon, and yet it hasn’t protected me from the knife that stabs my ribs.

No.

I try to use this power on others, waving it to and fro, but instead of intimidating, I injure myself in their stead. My enemies smirk when I try to stand and hold. My family simply shakes their heads because I simply cannot say no.

I wound myself in the place of others. My chest tightens and expands, waiting for the word to come. Sometimes it is hidden in a rejection, the words flowery and sweet. Sometimes it is a flat denial, slicing butterfly wings.

Regardless of what form it comes, it always does the same thing. It clutters up my mind and destroys what I want to be.

I’m afraid of no.

Those nasty two letters. I’m afraid of something I can’t control, the words that no one stutters. But I shouldn’t fear the boundaries others put in place. I shouldn’t fear being told there isn’t room on their plate.

The problem is that I don’t understand why when those words come from my mouth, they don’t mean no?

No sometimes is not honored if respect isn’t in place. No isn’t honored, and so I’ve accepted my fate. I pick up a foot and smile at the crowd. But instead my heart drums one single sound.

No.

I’m afraid of no.

~~Amie~~

Last Warning!

Guys, this is the last time I will remind you that Lovely Links in Literature is almost closed!

GUYS!  Soon, you can’t join this awesome story!

If you’re on the list, go tell your friends, your siblings, your frenemies, and those you don’t care for.  If you aren’t on this list, join!

If you’re an adult…

Join.  It would be fun to try to write like a kid again, right?

If you’re a writer…

Join.  This is the most amazing opportunity to see your writing combined with others.

If you’re a dreamer…

Join. You have ample opportunity to dream up the plot!  To help the characters.

If you’re busy…

Join.  It only will take a little bit of your time.  You only need to write 1,000 words!

If you’re a kid…

Join.  Nobody’s going to criticize your work.  It’ll be fun.

If you’re a nobody…

Join.  It’ll still be fun.

If you’re a teenager…

Join.  It’ll still be fun.  I mean, I am a teenager, right????

If you’re a robot…

DO NOT JOIN.  We need minds to do this. If you’re a robot, just over look this whole post all together.

See?  You probably fall into one of those categories.  If you don’t, still join!  And remember, tell your friends, parents, siblings, frenemies, and those you don’t care for.  They just might want to join!

You only have until midnight ,central time, on Sunday, December third.

You only have today, tomorrow, and Sunday!  Hurry and sign up!

Here are all the posts about Lovely Links in Literature for you who are new.  Ahem, here we go.

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

Only four posts to check out.  Hurry and do it while you have time!

~~Amie~~