If I Was Just More

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I was sick. Since I was sick, I had time to write and overthink. Overthinking is my greatest sin, I do believe. I once saw this quote that said, “I don’t sleep, I fall into an overthinking coma,” and I felt that. Anyway, this post is the product of overthinking.

Most of you know of the Best of the Year Blogging Awards, which Megan has been doing for years. For the past two years I’ve been nominated (thank you guys so much!), but I didn’t win.

And each time I would tell myself that I would be better next year, and win. And each time I wasn’t good enough.

Which, for someone as competitive as me, is very hard. I like winning, even if it’s winning by the vote of the people. And so this year I was slightly disappointed to see I was only nominated for one category, and that it was for a post that I don’t even think is very good. XD

(Pause for a moment: CONGRATULATIONS, ME FRIENDS FOR GETTING NOMINATED! [especially you, Jo. You were like, nominated for every category AND YOU DESERVE IT GIRL.])

And so I was about to be like, forget this whole award thing, I won’t even think about it. But as soon as I decide not to think about something, I begin thinking about it even more, and I can’t stop. So I thought about the awards and about my dislike for always loosing, and my dislike for awards in general.

I have extreme insecurities that I hide behind extreme pride and obnoxious cockiness. And awards, loosing, and being “not enough” hits those insecurities, and crumple my facade.  And my facade is neatly ironed, so to be crumpled is very annoying. Ironing a facade takes time and effort. *nods wisely*

I keep wondering if I had worked harder, been less of me, been more of the people you nominated, would you have nominated me more? Silly thoughts like those chase around my brain, followed by taunting laughter.

If I was just “more,” I would be “good enough.”

But that’s not true. I shall never be good enough, because I can always be more. And if I can always be more, the mindset will always remain, and I will never realize that right here, right now, I have been given my own talents, my own skills, and I shall handicap them and my usefulness if I continue to play the comparison game. (Wow, round of applause for run-on sentences. XD)

My mom used to always stop me in the middle of whatever task I was doing, and look me in the eyes and say, “Amie, it’s not a competition.” And I would respond, “I know, but it is to me.”

And that mindset can be deadly. Because there will always be someone better than you, and always someone that isn’t as skilled. We need to learn to rejoice with those who are more skilled, and understand those who are less skilled. Because once we were the lesser skilled one.

We are all striving to the goal, and the goal shouldn’t be perfection, but understanding. Understanding that we are flawed humans living in a flawed world. But God has given us the gift of beauty even through the broken lens. And so we should rejoice and be thankful for the skills we have, and strive to better them during the time we have allotted on this earth.

Because beauty is worth fighting for,

~~Amie~~

P.S. I just realized that I forgot to post my picture yesterday. *faceplant* Oh well. I took it, but I don’t have my camera at the moment, and ugh. Scattered brained Amie struck again.

Liebster Award

 

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Hello!  Can you guess what we’re doing today?  An award!  Yeah! *dances around until dizzy*  So, I’m a bit on the energetic side, but that’s a side affect of AWS, or Addictive Writer’s Syndrome as it’s more commonly called.

Anywho!  Let’s get started with the rules.  Oh, wait, first I should thank Anna for nominating me!  You’re the best, honestly.  Guys, go check out her blog, and her books.  She’s a great author, if you’re wondering.

Now for rules…

1.Create a new blog post on your blog thanking the person that nominated you, link to their blog and put in a  graphic of the award.

2.Answer the questions provided and share some facts about yourself.

3. Nominate others and share your blog post with them so that they can accept their award.

All righty!  I think I understand the rules.  *sigh*  If only I could skip the facts.

Questions Anna asked…

  1. What is your goal in blogging?

Oh, what a weighty question!  Um, it would be to glorify God and enjoy Him forever?  Oh, oops!  That wasn’t correct.  Probably to show folks that there is actually someone crazier than they are.  And to share my writing…

2. Other than blogging, what are some of your favorite hobbies?

Favorite?  Writing, but that’s almost a passion/addiction, so I’ll go with hobbies.  Hobbies are things you want to do but actually never get around to, right?  Let’s look it up in the dictionary.

  1. 1. an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.
    “her hobbies are reading and gardening.”
    2. archaic
    a small horse or pony
 Okay, I don’t think you mean a pony, so let’s go with the first one.  My hobbies are photography and sewing, if I go by that definition.  But if you want to know what I do mostly with my time it would be writing, music, and reading.
3. What is your favorite Bible verse and why?

Psalm 45:1 “My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.”

Why?  Because my heart is inditing a good matter.  (Inditing means writing, just so you know.)  The verse describes what I pray and hope my life will show.

4. What has God been teaching you lately?

Ooh, wow, this is a good question.  God’s been teaching me that even if a person is in the church, it doesn’t mean they’ll be perfect…And I sure ain’t perfect.  I’ve also been learning that as you forgive, you will be forgiven.  I’m afraid I don’t forgive as I want to be forgiven.

5.  If you could choose a “word of the year” what would it be?

Oh, um, gobsmacked or flummoxed.  Usually, I feel pretty gobsmacked, flummoxed or crazy, but everyone knew I’d pick crazy, so I picked something else.

6. What is your absolute favorite book? (Just pick one…if it’s possible! 😉 )

Well, the Bible, but I think you’re asking fiction.  Fiction wise would be The Wide Wide World by Susan Warner.  If ever a book could resonate with me perfectly, it would be this one.  It’s…Well, it’s perfect, and it makes me (who never cries!) cry every time.  If Susan Warner was still alive, I would go visit her and tell her how that book has changed me.

7. When did you start blogging? What inspired you to start a blog?

I started blogging in August of 2017?  I really don’t know.  Hold on while I go check.  Yep, it was August.

I feel so stupid to say this again, but nothing really inspired me.  I just wanted to.  Like y’all have heard over and over, my family had a blog and I wanted one.

8. What is your favorite part about blogging?

Writing. 😉  But I also really like comments.

Facts about Amie

– She forgets facts very easily

– She enjoys history

– She enjoys learning about what most people would call gross.

– She reads like it’s the only thing she can do.

– She’s totally American

– She reads a book a day (Almost, but it really keeps the doctors away!)

– She’s more energetic at night than in the morning, but she usually gets more things done in the morning.  (Go figure that out.)

And that is it, Folks!  Comment below if you can relate with the facts.  On to nominees!

Mandalynn

Kaitlyn

Liz

Arabella

And….

Hannah

Questions for you!

  1. What is your favorite book genre?
  2. What is the first thing you look at when you visit a blog for the first time?
  3. What would you rather? A stuffed nose or a sore throat?  (The answer can’t be neither.)
  4. What is the ideal height (If there is one.)
  5. Do you enjoy sharing random facts about yourself?
  6. What is the grossest account in the Bible?
  7. Violin, Viola, Mandolin, or Guitar?
  8. Would you rather laugh or cry?
  9. What is a non-fiction book that has rocked your world?

And there you go!  Comment below when you’ve seen this award!

Can you relate?  Would you rather laugh or cry?  What is your favorite musical instrument?

~~Amie~~