One of the most exhausting things for me is the ups and downs of my mental health. How one week I can be totally exhausted with no motivation, no desire to eat, no desire to clean, no desire to do anything and little to no creative inspiration, while the next week I can be bouncing off the walls and destroying stress balls.

And somedays, like today, I have no idea what I’m going to be blogging about. 😂 For awhile, I had a beautiful blogging schedule, but since . . . well, the pandemic, I haven’t had one, and I haven’t take the time or mental energy to plan one. I think that’s okay.

It’s okay to sometimes not be scheduled, to sometimes not do everything you feel like you need to do. Sometimes it’s okay to just play with your dog or pace the house.

But this week has been a productive week, and so I’m celebrating. XD I’m celebrating because I haven’t felt like crap, I’ve been able to appreciate the little things, like the dimple in my sister’s smile and the puns I can make out of things people say. (I had to stop myself in one instance, though, when I wanted to make a joke about getting to the root of the matter, because the puns were already running too deep. 😂)

On Tuesday I made cinnamon rolls with yeast, and they were amazing. I love cinnamon rolls almost as much as I love my dog, and since I don’t eat gluten, I don’t get them enough. But I’ve been in a baking kick recently, and so I’ve made them twice, once without yeast and once with yeast.

On Thursday, I decided that I needed a pumpkin spice latte. The problem is that I think pumpkin spice is the most disgusting thing on the planet. However, I reasoned with myself that if I made it at home, perhaps it wouldn’t taste as much as vomit as it does when you get it from a well known coffee chain.

But I had one problem. We had no pumpkin purée.

Now, normal people don’t even THINK about making homemade pumpkin spice latte. Slightly abnormal people would give up when they realized that they were out of pumpkin purée. But Amie? Why Amie doesn’t give up once she has an idea in her head, and so I used decorative pumpkins, made my own purée and made the most delicious pumpkin spice latte I have ever tasted.

Yes, it was worth the extra hour and a half. 😂

You all want an update on Fifteen? Well, I suppose I must grant you your request. All the pre-order goodies are in, and I’m LIVING for them. I mean, how can you get any cuter? I’m such a sucker for any kind of pre-order goodie, so as soon as I knew I was publishing Fifteen, I knew I had to do pre-order goodies.

So I obviously want you to get them, because what’s the fun of keeping them all for myself? If you pre-order the paperback here and take a picture of your receipt, and then fill out this form here, you’ll get your own pre-order goodies. *bounces all around*

Yes, I am low-key obsessed my own goodies. 😂

Now, there’s another announcement about Fifteen that’s coming up, but I’m going to be telling it to my email list first. If you haven’t joined the Newsies, goodness! You’re missing out! My email list gets the first news about my activities, and sometimes, when I’m in a good mood, they get my random ramblings and my favorite things.

I only send out emails . . . once-two times a month, if even then. I’m slightly sporadic, but you know. Work on one thing at a time. If you’d like to sign up for that, you can do it here.

(Go do that before I send out the next email, because guysssssss. It’s going to be full of fun stuff, and I’m so super excited to write it.)

So, all of you followers are looking at me, wondering what on earth this blog post is. I’m wondering the same thing. It think it’s a lot of things. 😂 And it’s definitely not professional in the least, but give me a break. I need a break, or I might break and that would be definitely something.

What is your favorite season? Winter is coming fast and I am SO glad. Please, I need more sweatshirts and comfy pants and beanies. And boots. Though I wear boots year round because I’m a rebel. *salutes.

Ugh, I’m getting off topic again. Welcome to my brain. Are you excited for Fifteen? What is your favorite fruit? Pumpkin spice, is it everything nice or has it come to ruin your tastebuds?

~~Amie~~

“Don’t let it get to your head, don’t let it get to your head.”

But how?

The words surround you, even after you release them all with a puff, the smoke that slipped out hovers above you. You’re unable to drown it out.

So many things to be thankful for, so many things that should blot it out. But you feel like you’ve made another mistake and the voices again have grown too loud.

Maybe those who protect me are wrong. Maybe the other people are right. Maybe I was immature, maybe I did read into it too much, I probably am being dramatic. I probably should just shut up, sink away, let them win again because this is just way too much for me today.

It’s not my fault? What do you mean? They’re all saying I picked a fight, don’t you see? Shush the voices in my mind, shush everything I’ve been told for a time. Even if all was silent and I was floating above, I would be pulled back down by this weight that at my heart tugs.

Don’t blame yourself, it isn’t your fault. Don’t let the hate keep you from moving along. But how can we do that when all along, we’ve been told to be silent and avoid what is wrong?

How do we stand when our knees are weak? How do we keep moving when all we want to do is weep? Paper cuts mar the most tender heart, tears are what it bleeds among its millions of scars. How can we continue moving when there seems no end of the pain that creates a hurricane within?

Forcing a smile and saying okay, though, in a way, I really am okay. I might be hurting by the words that stung my heart, I might be taking a moment to keep from falling apart, but I’m okay. Because I know.

I know that God will use my message in spite of my fear, my hurt, my pain. I know I serve a God who has created all things. I know that even though I didn’t want to go on this ride, God will be there protecting, comforting, pushing, always on my side.

“Though troubles assail me, and dangers afright. Though friends should all fail us and foes all unite, yet one thing secures us whatever betide: the scripture assures us ‘the Lord will provide.”‘

He will provide in the darkest hour or the most joy filled day. His provision might not give you a butterfly and rainbows type of life, but you will still see his fingerprints on every part of your life. Pain might stun you for hours on end, but He’s always there to pick you up and help you begin again.

Some people may seem to have the perfect life, but everyone has secrets they would prefer to hide. Faith doesn’t stop you from having pain, suffering, and doubt. But holding onto God’s precious promises keeps us from giving up and falling out.

Someday this journey will be over. Someday, our messages and our moments will be through. Someday we’ll get to heaven and have to hand over the talents that are due. Did words stop you from using yours? Did people discourage you from investing the talents that weren’t yours, only lent for you to use?

Take a deep breath and begin again today. So that at the end of the journey we can all sing and say,

“When life sinks apace and death is in view, the word of his grace shall comfort us through; not fearing or doubting, with Christ on our side, we hope to die shouting, ‘Our God will provide!”‘

~~Amie~~

(quotations from John Newton’s hymn, Though Troubles Assail Us.)

Some days, I feel like a fish in a dry fishbowl.

I’ve given all my water, drop by drop, to other fish who need it. Projects which are like sponges drain my mind, there must be a hole somewhere inside my bowl. Worry, anxiety, stress, and fatigue leave me gasping.

Some days it seems like I have no mental space to deal with anything. Just a raised voice makes me jump out of my skin, and the bright glare of the sun sends me shivering within. It’s hard to give and give and give of my time, it’s hard to be a servant when you can barely even tell people hi.

But guess what?

We have a way to be filled, even when life and pain and illness drain us. When life seems overwhelming, but there are still people that you want to help, people who have lives you want to pour into, you can know that you have a source to take life and joy from. A fountain that is ever ready to fill you to overflowing.

We don’t have to worry, because we have an eternal fountain filled with everlasting mercies.

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)

I was talking to a friend on the phone, and she mentioned the verse about God’s mercies never ending, being new every morning. And it hit me.

My whole life I’ve pictured God’s mercies like sand in the hour glass. I only have so much mercy allotted to my life, and if I use it up before the end of my life . . . So I try to do as much as I can on my own, “saving” my mercies for when I really need them. But that isn’t what the Bible teaches us.

We have a fountain from which we can drink, a fountain that quenches our thirst, and that fountain wells up in us. In fact, it should overflow in us! We should be overflowing with eternal life.

One of my favorite children’s book is actually a wordless book. It’s called “The Flower Man” by Mark Ludy. In this book, and old man comes into a dark and hopeless neighborhood, and one by one, he gives flowers to the people around him, lighting up their world with hope and love. This represents how we should be with eternal life. Everyone we touch, we should be giving them “flowers.”

And we don’t have to worry about running out of eternal life, or of mercy, or of grace, or of God’s steadfast love. We can give and give and give, and still be refilled, if we remember to continually go to the source.

Of course it isn’t easy. But the most fulfilling things in life, the things that grow us as humans and grow our relationship with God aren’t easy. God often calls us to do things that hurt, things that scare us, and things that seem impossible. But that’s when you’re rewarded beyond your comprehension. Because if it had just been you, the results would never have happened.

And the results are definitely worth the cost of the tears and pain.

In Christ, we aren’t fish in a dry fishbowl. We’re fish, caught by the Fisher of Men, and placed in the cleanest water available. And then we’re told to share this water with others. Because Christ has an endless supply.

~~Amie~~