Does It Get Better?

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Dear little Amie,

Does it get better?

Yes and no.

Yes, the hatred you feel will stop burning in your veins. The anger that causes you to tear your hair in the closet won’t follow you any longer. The anger that constricts your voice and kills all those around you will no longer poison you.

No. The pain will still be there, just morphed and changed. It’ll still squeeze your chest and cause rants. You’ll still lie to people and tell them you’re fine when you’re dying inside.

Yes. The people that used to hurt you so much will no longer cut holes in your heart. No, you won’t get along with them. Yes, you will be breathing freely, but no. You won’t be the olympic athlete.

Yes, you won’t have to spend each morning trying to swim through your own mind. You’ll be better, you’ll be able to run, you’ll be singing and laughing again without a cough.

But no, you’ll still be up at two in the morning, wondering why you’re alive. You’ll be asking your body to just give up the fight, but unlike your mind, it’s not a quitter.

Yes, you’ll have people supporting you, pushing you back up when you fall and swear to yourself that you can’t move again. They’ll be there, and no, they won’t always know what to say.

But sometimes being there is louder than any of the words they’ll ever be able to say.

No, you’ll still wonder at times if this life is worth living. If the stars are worth seeing. You’ll wonder if the Word is worth reading, and the songs worth singing.

But yes, someone will look at you and say I love you. And you’ll realize that you’re important. Why? Doesn’t matter. To some people, you’re important. Some people need an Amie in their lives.

No, some people will still be unable to understand you. People will still say things that burn, do things that hurts, and refuse to let you through. But you will learn that they aren’t worth your time. They won’t take their words back, but you don’t need them to do that.

Yes, Amie. Overall, it’ll get better. You’ll have relapses. You’ll sit on the floor, wishing you could cry the tears that simmer underneath. You’ll be on your bed, silent because the thoughts in your mind are too loud for music. You’ll refuse to talk to people, you’ll neglect food.

But each time you’ll come out stronger. More determined not to let your mind to take control of your life. Each time, you realize that you’re a fighter. But you’re not the only one fighting.

There’s One that shines through, stronger than you. One that can fight better than you do. One that won’t let you go through with the lies that are whispered to you.

So fall apart, but don’t let the fragments shatter.

Because remember, it’ll be better.

Perhaps, it’ll get worse before it’s better. But always, in the end, it’ll get better.

Chin up, future Amie. You’ll get through.

~~Amie~~

I Have Caved

Hello, my peoples.

After spending way too much time alone, and considering if my blog life and it’s activities have been productive, I realized there is one thing that typical girls do on their blog, but I have totally neglected.

*cue fanfare of incredulous gasping*

I know. Amie has totally missed a trend, after she’s obviously kept track and followed every trend in the blogsphere. So it’s time to redeem my mistake, and make my debut in this much loved corner of the blogsphere.

Welcome to Amie’s Fashion Advice, where she tries to make everyone look just as stunning as herself. *camera shutters snap as I vainly try to pose*

Today I’m going to be giving you my absolute favorite and best makeup look. Now, makeup isn’t my strong place, unlike everything else in fashion, so please bear with me. Most of the products I’m using are either from My Minerals, or the cheapest thing Walmart had.

I need to order some more stuff from My Minerals, so let me know if you want a review or something sometime. Since I am embarking on my fashionista journey. *hair flip* Anyway, on to the tutorial.

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Start off with a clean face! I did start with a bit of liquid eyeliner, because I had been filming for my YouTube, and I find that on camera, a slight bit of eyeliner makes your eyes look 10 times better. (ANY makeup on camera makes you look better, let’s not lie. XD)

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Put your hair in a ponytail, and apply concealer. Now, usually I apply a generous amount of concealer under my eyes, on the bridge of my nose, a bit of my forehead, and on my chin, just to lighten up my skin. However, I am plumb out of concealer, and so I scrapped the last little bit and plopped it under my eyes. I also applied some generous amount of foundation under my eyes and left it to bake.

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I applied a lighter shade of powder in the middle of my cheeks, and basically anywhere that I didn’t have lots of powder. The goal for this look is to look as white as you can. Unfortunately, since I only have powder foundation, I’m unable to cover my many freckles, and yeah. #freckleproblems

Also, here you can see my wonderful side profile, one of my biggest insecurities. 😂

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Next, slather a nice line of black eye shadow on your eyes. I’ve found that black eyeliner/eye shadow honestly does wonders for my eyes, making them look so reddy/brown. (Almost more red than brown, and it’s creepy.) Make sure you don’t add too much black, because then it might smear everywhere, and this black stuff is so hard to take off.

Blend it nicely all over your lids, and hum as you do so. You’re all going to love the end result.

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I should have taken the rest of the pictures with my eyes closed, but did I do that? Nooooo. Anyway, I took the second darkest shade I owned, a beautiful metallic grey and put that over half of my lid, and I was happy.

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Now, I added extremely thick eyeliner, with slight wings. Wings draw this whole look together, but don’t go haywire with the wings. Just a slight flick of the wrist, and then fill it in, and you’re good. I also added under eyeliner, which kinda gives it a more closed in effect.

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To complete the under eye look, I added a light grey, and two darker shades, kinda tampering off from the black liner, so it didn’t look so harsh. Nothing we hate more than harsh lines.

Oh, and somewhere in here, I grabbed a bit of brow gel and just combed my brows, so all the unruly little hairs went in the same direction.

I mean, c’mon, brows. Get the message. You’re all supposed to be marching in the same direction.

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Now to the fun part. Using all the rest of my scanty supply of concealer, I totally erased my lips. Now I look like a sick, wax mummy.

I totally understand if you resent looking this way, and if you do, I encourage you to go to the other extreme and slap on some red lipstick. If you want to know how to apply red lip stick, watch this.

I’m totally a professional at makeup tutorials and red lipstick, so you should enjoy that short video.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, the lips.

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Paint your lips with the black eyeshadow. I’ve found that it’s best to do the inner part of your bottom lip, outline your top lip, and then rub it all together, if that makes sense.

You know, how when you were a three year old, you would put on chapstick and dramatically rub your lips together? Yeah, that’s what you do with the eyeshadow.

You also could buy black lipstick, but see. I’m just trying to be creative and cut down on waste.

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You let down your hair, and voila! You look like you’re a beautiful, dying person. At least, that’s what one person has informed me. My father said that it looks like you have mold on your lips and eyes, and if you want my personal opinion, you could go around saying you have dry gangrene on your lips. Imagine the concern everyone would have.

I have been told by one person that it looks amazing, and I tend to agree with them. Due to squeezing my eyes, you can’t see the color, but I tell you, brown eyed girls, black does wonders to your eye color.

If you want to know what a lighter eye look does with this look (and what Amie’s greasy hair looks like) here you go!

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If you want to see the video that cause this look to become a thing, check out my YouTube channel! I post at least one exciting video a week. I’m trying to do more, since everyone is stuck out home, and need something to amuse them.

If you absolutely love my look, make sure to create it, take a picture and post it on some social media platform or email it to me. I have an Instagram account here, if you want to tag me or DM me a picture.

See ya later, sisters.

yes I’m totally becoming a blogsphere James Charles. Watch out for your job, James. The blogsphere is going to be resurrected and I will rise. 

~~Amie~~

Keep ’em Alive

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(Stealing Jo’s idea)

Amie’s are a rare breed of creatures. As in, I’ve only heard of one other Amie. So, I can only speak from what I have studied of myself, and not from deep research of the breed. If you know of any other Amie’s (Note: Amy’s and Amie’s are two different breeds, not even in the same classification system.) please let us know, so we can continue our studies.

Star

Dogs and stars in the sky are necessary for an Amies’ utmost happiness. When a dog shares the personality of a star, their absolute bliss is accomplished. They follow Star around the house, and likewise, Star follows them around as well.

Inseparable, and having anxiety when apart, Stars and Amies go hand in hand.

Sunlight

Amies enjoy retreating into caves and shutting out the world and sunshine. But in order to be in their happiest element, you must force your Amie out into the sun. Once an Amie is out in the sun, they will be out there until they are sunburned.

Of course, that also is a small problem, but Amies have high pain tolerance, and tend to hurt themselves and not care. Just make sure they don’t go back in the sun the next day, so the burn has time to heal.

Also, sunshine inside the house isn’t the same for an Amie as sunshine outside. Amies need to be locked out of the house for half an hour at the longest for optimal mind refreshment.

Tea and Coffee

Amies have a chronic addiction to tea and coffee. Amies enjoy both the same, in fact, Amies have a tea for every mood, and a coffee brew for every type of writing. (Though their favorite coffee brew is Starbuck’s decaf house blend.)

If Amies have any kind of stress, they will down 1-4 cups of coffee in one sitting. If Amies are having trouble sleeping, they will drink decaf coffee or Earl Grey tea, and fall asleep mid-cup. (Wasteful, yes, but effective.)

Don’t limit Amies’ coffee and tea consumption. It will end in stressed, sad, and grumpy individuals.

Apples

Apples are one of the four core stones in Amies’ diets. They are most happy when you have a full box of apples, and the option of eating 7-8 apples a day, if they so choose. Amies indulge in stress eating apples, and so in order to keep a healthy Amie, keep lots of apples on hand.

Amies will eat 2-4 apples on an average day, if they aren’t stressed. Apples will be their go-to snack. So unless you would like all your snacks raided, keep apples.

Music

Music is a core part of an Amie. They will be really reserved about their music choices, though open to explore yours. If an Amie shares a playlist with you, it means you have won their confidence, and perhaps are on your way to winning their hearts.

Amies also create music. But Amies don’t view their music very highly, and tend to get easily discouraged by the lack of voice and talent. Or by their sad lack of genius. So be very gentle with your Amie when it comes to creating music with them, and never listen to them. They just need more confidence, so push them so they can fly.

At least one human

This is a tricky one. Amies would rather be alone than be with some people, but Amies need human interaction to get the most out of their brains. Preferably through the screen, but they do enjoy sitting silently in a room with a person of their choosing.

Amies find that they are able to operate best when they have at least one human to see, and if they so choose, to bounce ideas off of and rant to. They also enjoy solving other human’s problems.

Alone Time

While Amies love humans, they perish without alone time. Without late hours where the house is silent, or time throughout the day where they can look up and realize that hallelujah, they are truly, absolutely alone.

The Ability to Rant

Amies process everything internally, figuring out their beliefs on a topic. But once their deep thinking has been completed, Amies like to find a victim and hurl their whole brain spiel at them. They will only say the rant once, and then shall act as if they never brain vomited on you, but you must know that this is normal.

Ranting is a quality Amies only possess when the spirit moves. Otherwise, they will be very tight lipped about everything.

Organization

Organization is important to Amies, unless they are in the middle of a project, or it’s the kitchen. To them, clean rooms and organized clothing are as important as oxygen. If an Amies’ bed isn’t made, it’s the end of the world. But if an Amie is depressed, stressed, or otherwise mentally or physically unwell, the bed will be unmade, and the mess will cover the whole floor.

Take stock on your Amie’s organization. It’s one of the best keys to see if she’s okay or if she’s lying about her emotions.

Writing about Broken People

It’s necessary for Amies’ sanities to write about broken humans. Ones that have been crushed, smushed, and kinda fit for insane asylums. Why they must write about such sad characters is much debated, but it is necessary.

Tolerate your Amie’s emotions as she falls in love with the broken characters, and spends hours away from you painfully putting together her own Humpty Dumpty. Perhaps all the king’s horses and all the king’s men didn’t care to fix that poor creature, but this girl cares and spends hours at work.

To create a character that everyone cries for.

And you look at your Amie and wonder what happened inside their brain to create a character like the one before you. And believe me, you don’t want to know.

Do you have an Amie? If so, how could you improve your care of them? Are you an Amie?

~~Amie~~

Safety

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Hello, folks!

I was supposed to write a post yesterday. And I was supposed to write a post Monday.

*looks  at the sun and sighs* I am sitting out on the front porch, soaking in the warmth and sunshine. I’m not allowed to go any farther, due to this awesome season in world history, but at least I can get some vitamin D, and hopefully avoid sun burn.

To be very honest, this whole thing has been hard for me. I see so many amazing encouragement posts by so many different people, but most of them mean nothing. Except for the ones that say “stay safe.”

By saying stay safe, they’re not assuming your emotions, not assuming what you’re experiencing, not putting you in a box of panic stricken humans, or guessing that you’re an angsty rebel.

They’re simply asking you to protect yourself. And by protecting yourself, you’ll be protecting others.

I think something that we often forget is just that. In a way, by taking care of ourselves, we’re taking care of others. In a way, even mental unhealthiness can be spread to others. Tension, anxiety, fear, and even joy are contagious. Concern and care for others is also contagious, and I think that’s what we need to remember through this scary time.

Spread joy and love, not fear and anxiety. Fill the house with dance music, not silent tension. Your mental health will be so much better during quarantine.

Maybe after it’s all over, I’ll write a post about what my personal experience with quarantine was like. If y’all would like that. But right now, as some of you are just practicing social distancing, remember.

Stay safe.

I don’t know your mindset about this, I don’t know what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, or how this effects your schedules. But I do know this. I want all of you to stay safe, I want the death rates in the US to stay as low as possible, and I want this to strengthen and mold our characters.

So yes, I’m skipping this week’s women of history post. I don’t know if I can write another history post at the moment, I’m struggling to write anything at all.

And that’s okay.

So now I’m going to announce the giveaway winner!

The winner is . . .

Natalia!

Congratulations, Natalia! I’ll be emailing you shortly with all the details. I hope you guys all enjoyed the blog tour, and if you haven’t checked out Jana’s post, or Jo’s post, or Esmeralda’s or any of them, check out this post here, which will have the links to the different blogs.

Like I said before, stay safe. 😉

~~Amie~~

5 Things I’ve Learned YouTubing

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Hi, guys, and welcome back to Amie Anne!

In case y’all didn’t know, I’ve been regularly posting on my YouTube channel for five months, and so I thought it was time to write a post on what I’ve learned from YouTubing.

1. Being on video is wayyyy different than writing a blog post.

I mean, that should go without saying, right? But being comfortable with putting your thoughts and an occasional picture of your face is wayyyy different than being comfortable with putting a video of yourself online. At first, I was so incredibly nervous, as you can tell by some of my expressions in the videos. XD I had no idea how to act during the intros, and it took awhile for me to figure out who I was, and what I wanted my videos to be like.

Even now, it’s still hard. XD I’m still changing, and exploring different ways to video, and edit.

2. It’s hard to be an actor, videographer, and script writer all in one.

I love acting, I love coming up with scripts, and getting the PERFECT shot of a video brings such a rush, and I’m addicted to it. I love the finished project coming together, and just knowing that I had it done before the deadline. (Also known as Saturday. XD) But it isn’t easy, especially when my camera doesn’t self focus. So sometimes I get my siblings to help, but. . .a ten-year-old doesn’t exactly do the job I wanted them to do.

So at times it can be a lot of work, and slightly overwhelming, but like everything. Make yourself a schedule, take it one day at a time, and if it doesn’t work for the week, then hey. No one’s mad. Do a story time or something else that doesn’t take as much work. XD

3. Schedules matter.

I wouldn’t be able to consistently post on this blog or YouTube without a schedule. XD Since I have to write the script, video, edit, upload, I have to schedule for each day, because I also have school, a blog to maintain, people to talk to, books to write, ect.

I mean, you get the idea. XD

4. Editing Software is important.

I *clap* Can *clap* Not *clap* Stress *clap* This *clap* Enough.

Understanding your software, and having quality software is so important. This is what can take a mediocre production to the next level. Bad software can knock a superb video down a few shelves. So work on your editing, and think about how much software means to you. XD

5. Thumbnail Pictures. ‘Nough said.

I don’t know why, but thumbnails are so hard. What will cause people to be interested in your video? And seriously, do you want to put text on it or not? Do you even want to bother? (Some days I don’t so that’s why I don’t always bother. XD)

Thumbnails are an art that I have yet to master. 😦

So there’s five things I’ve learned since I started YouTube! What are some of your favorite YouTube channels?

And since my blog tour is still going on, check out those posting!

March 20

Noah — Guest Post

 

Hannah — Interview/guest post

 

March 21

Laura — Guest Post

 

Maya — Spotlight

 

Sam — Guest Post

 

March 22

Alivia Henderson — Interview 

 

Kaelyn — Interview/guest post

 

March 23

Jo — Interview/spotlight/rant

 

Jana — Interview

 

Jana T — Spotlight/Guest Post
Esmeralda — Interview/Guest Post

~~Amie~~

Blog Tour Begins!

*trips in*

Dudes, this week has been something.

I’m trying to stay positive. I mean, I’m an introvert after all, right? But I guess I’ll let you all know what’s happening beyond the screen on Amie’s side.

First of all, WE STARTED THE BLOG TOUR! Down below, I’ll have the giveaway and the schedule, so y’all can follow along. I’m really excited for this tour, and for the fact that my blog is no longer a .wordpress.com blog. We’re back to our own domain! *throws confetti*

So no longer need you type in crazyadotblog.wordpress.com. You can simply type amieanne.blog, and voila! You are here.

The coronavirus didn’t seem like a really huge threat until Saturday of last week. And since then, it’s slowly escalated until on Wednesday, we found out that we have spent time with someone who was exposed to it.

Which of course, means we’re all under self-imposed quarantine. I know to a lot of people ages 15-30ish, COVID-19 doesn’t seem like a big deal, and goodness, it’s effecting so many plans for absolutely no reason.

I disagree. As someone who has bad asthma, I beg you. If you’ve been exposed or if you have symptoms, STAY HOME. As someone who has family members with weakened immune systems, listen to the President, and stay home.

Don’t travel. Don’t go anywhere if you can help it.

And I shall remain safe at home, doing things. Anyway, SO. Who’s participating in this blog tour?

March 20

Noah — Guest Post

 

Hannah — Interview/guest post

 

March 21

Laura — Guest Post

 

Maya — Spotlight

 

Sam — Guest Post

 

March 22

Alivia Henderson — Interview 

 

Kaelyn — Interview/guest post

 

March 23

Jo — Interview/spotlight/rant

 

Jana — Interview

 

Jana T — Spotlight/Guest Post
Esmeralda — Interview/Guest Post

So many wonderful, amazing people! I’m super excited to see the posts up!

And now for the giveaway.

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In this giveaway, I’m giving away three scrunchies, two star hair clips, a handprinted, and a necklace! This giveaway unfortunately isn’t international. *sniffles* But if you live in the US, you’re more than welcome to join!

Enter here. 

I’m super sorry this is a sloppy post. I *might* have speed written six guest blog posts in the past two days, so I’m slightly blogged out today. 😂

~~Amie~~

Women of History: Marie Curie

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Science intrigues me. I get so excited after reading my physics lesson, or chemistry. Strange, I know, but that’s just me.

Most scientist that come to mind are men: Albert Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Louis Pasteur, Isaac Newton, George Washington Carver…But today we’re going to talk about the only person to win the Nobel Prize in two different scientific fields.

Maria Skłodowski was born in Poland in 1867, the youngest of five children. Her mother died when she was ten, and less than three years before that, her oldest sister passed away. Her mother was a devout catholic, but her father was an atheist, so after her mother passed, she became agnostic.

Maria and her older sister both wanted to pursue their educations, but due to lack of funds, they came to an agreement. Maria would work and pay for her sister’s education, and after her sister graduated, the sister would do the same for Maria.

In 1891, Maria (or Marie, as she would be known in France) left Poland for Paris, France, where she studied physics, chemistry, and mathematics. She began her scientific career by investigating the magnetic properties of various steels. That same year Pierre Curie entered her life, and the two bonded over science. It didn’t take long for Pierre to purpose to Marie, but she refused, wanting to return to Poland and pursue her career in her native country.

That dream was quickly destroyed when she was refused a place at a university, due to her gender. She received a letter soon after, from Pierre, that convinced her to pursue her Ph.D. Pierre had already received his doctorate, and was promoted to professor. In 1895, Pierre and Marie were married.

During this time, William Roentgen discover X-rays, which lead Marie to studying uranium. From this study, she discovered polonium and radium. She went on to develop methods of separation of radium from it’s radioactive residues with enough to be able to study its qualities.

In 1903, Pierre and Marie were awarded the Nobel Prize for physics, for their study of radiation. In 1911, she received her second Nobel Prize, this time in chemistry, in recognition of her radioactive work.

At this time, people didn’t understand the dangers of radiation. They encouraged people to use radium to help relieve suffering int WWI, radium was put in toothpaste, and in many other daily products. Due to constant use of radioactive equipment and study, Marie became ill and died in 1934, at the age of sixty six.

I skimmed over a lot of Marie’s life, because I wasn’t sure how much would interest my readers. If you’re intrigued with science, by all means, go do a more detailed search of Marie. Her work is so exciting to learn about and it’s crucial to understand the history of medicine.

~~Amie~~

Popping in

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Hey, guys!

So I posted yesterday, but I forgot to add an important part to the post. XD

I’m hosting a blog tour, to just have a fun time on the blogsphere and celebrate changing my blog design, blog name, and reaching 500+ followers. So, please join! I’m offering writing a guest post on your blog, or an interview, short story, whatever you want to do, you’re more than welcome.

So please join in to the fun! It’s a great way to get involved with people, and I don’t know. Blog tours are one of my favorite things about blogging. So yeah.

SIGN UP HERE.

And get ready for my next post about women of history. ❤

~~Amie~~

If You Listen to Lies

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I was teased by almost everyone I knew in real life. I was teased by people I should have expected to be loved and accepted by. I was twitted for my clothes, my speech, my height, my interests.

I was told I was a loser, I even had a large, huge L painted on my face. Kids younger than me would look at me and whisper loser loud enough for me to hear. Kids older than me would ask me painful questions, and when I would fumble for an answer, they would always go, “Oh, right. You’re a Woleslagle.” As if in being born into my family, I was put on a lower pedestal than them.

Friends snooped through my personal belongings, constantly critiquing my height, telling me that my accomplishments weren’t really anything in the big scheme of things because “oh you know, so-and-so is wayyyyyyy better than you.”

My hair was the wrong color, wrong texture, wrong length. I wore the wrong shoes, I said the wrong answer to their stupid questions, I would stand up to them and tell them what I thought.

Until I had enough.

There’s only so long that you can go on confronting a lie until it overwhelms you. Until you believe that you’re ugly, because every girl you know has told you so, and the boys agree, and so does the babies in the nursery. It’s just the adults that roll their eyes and ask you if you actually believe it.

Because yes, you do.

I decided that if I couldn’t be with them without being hurt, I wouldn’t be with them at all. It came to the point that I was crying myself to sleep after seeing these people. I would avoid church luncheons, hiding in the sanctuary and playing piano while everyone else played and talked.

One time they came to taunt me while I played, and I ran out the side door without looking at them, words of hatred following me. I threw myself down in the field and cried, because in that instant I knew I was a loser. I knew that my piano skills were trash, I was trash, and they were right. What place did a loser have on this earth?

It was reinforced at home. Siblings telling me I was a liar, what would people on my blog and my friends think if they knew who I was? How would I like to lose all my following? I was mean, cruel, a loser, and a liar, and no one should ever spend time with me.

They wished they could throw me in a trash can. My siblings told me to be quiet, to go away if I had a problem with what they were saying. And so I did. I spent a lot of time upstairs in my room.

My parents couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to go to church. Why I didn’t want to see certain “friends.” Why I spent time in my bedroom. Why I seemed miserable. But I didn’t tell them everything. Because didn’t they already know the truth?

Their daughter was a loser, a misfit, she was stupid, ugly, too tall, a liar, and her accomplishments were failures in the big scheme of things.

I was to be quiet about something that hurt so much. I couldn’t refute the lies anymore, and in a way, the lies had become a part of me. When anyone said anything to contradict the lies, they seemed to be the ones that were lying. Everyone in my small world agreed that I was a terrible person that didn’t deserve to be here.

Thank goodness my world grew. You see, people drift in and out of your world. The ones that seemed to be the only people you knew kinda get smaller when your world gets bigger, and you meet people who look at you and see the real you. Or the you that you could be.

And you never know what real friends are until you have lots of fake ones.

At this point in my life, an adult started trying to figure me out. Not as a “little kid” or a “teenager” who had problems. But as a friend. She wanted to understand what made Amie run, what thoughts hid in her reserved body.

And it didn’t take too long for me to mention some of the things that happened, jokingly of course. Because it’s hilarious to be told you’re a loser.

“Do you believe them?” Such a straight forward question, with such a hard answer. Because the answer was yes. I did believe that I was a loser. She asked if I had told my parents about this, and yes, I had. They knew, the kids’ parents knew, everyone knew. But what were they to do?

That’s the question. What are we to do?

In my own experience, it just continued to spiral. Those lies that I was told took root deep inside, and pushed a darker thought to my mind. If I was all of these things, why was I even alive?

I wrestled with this question for three years. About six months ago, it was stronger than ever. Being left by one friend, ghosted by another, being ignored by my peers at church, and having lots of the adults at church ignore me as well, I felt as if I didn’t matter.

If I had fallen in the forest, I wouldn’t have made a sound. No one would have known, or cared. Just another hopeless girl hopelessly gone. Good thing we got rid of the weak, right?

But then, people were annoying and destroyed my plans. One random person kept nagging me, wanting to be my friend. Another friend would send me email after email to make sure I was okay. One friend asked me to her birthday party, dragging me out of my little hole. Because they wanted me.

Didn’t they know I was a loser? Didn’t they understand I had nothing to offer them? I would scar them, hurt them, they would go running from me like all the other friends in the past?

One word sentences, monosyllables. If I can scare them away before I care about them, then we’re all good. Just more people to confirm my theory that I don’t matter in this world, because I’m stupid and I suck.

But they didn’t run because of my meanness. They stayed. And they’re still here. I’m going to be in one’s wedding, and the other one literally just texted me and oh God.

The little girl who was so lonely has friends.

The one who sat in the middle of the field crying because she wasn’t wanted. The little girl who sat on the swings alone and told herself it didn’t matter. The one who used to whisper to herself that she would prove the bullies wrong.

She now has friends who say it for her. She’s going to prove those bullies wrong. 

And so this post is to thank my friends. Thank you so much, for helping me. For loving me even when I was unlovable. For being there, even when I wouldn’t talk. For talking to me, for making me laugh. For giving me virtual hugs in place of real ones. Or, in some cases, keeping your distance and giving me pats. 😂

For you reading this post, please remember that the stupid things you say to people stick. You might have been kidding when you told your friend she was too skinny or too fat, but it sticks and stays.

I’m not saying my friends are perfect. In fact, I could tell you some of their faults. XD And I’m not saying I’m perfect either. My friends could tell you all my faults, which are many. O.o I’m saying that we have a friendship, founded on our love for each other and our love of God, which keeps it strong. Even when we get upset with each other.

If you have been bullied, or are dealing with something I mentioned in this post, please contact me through the contact button. I love hearing from all of you, in the comments or in emails. So please, please, please, don’t be shy. Talk to me.

Let’s prove the bullies wrong

~~Amie~~