In Which We Address Cinnamon Rolls and Pumpkin Spice

One of the most exhausting things for me is the ups and downs of my mental health. How one week I can be totally exhausted with no motivation, no desire to eat, no desire to clean, no desire to do anything and little to no creative inspiration, while the next week I can be bouncing off the walls and destroying stress balls.

And somedays, like today, I have no idea what I’m going to be blogging about. 😂 For awhile, I had a beautiful blogging schedule, but since . . . well, the pandemic, I haven’t had one, and I haven’t take the time or mental energy to plan one. I think that’s okay.

It’s okay to sometimes not be scheduled, to sometimes not do everything you feel like you need to do. Sometimes it’s okay to just play with your dog or pace the house.

But this week has been a productive week, and so I’m celebrating. XD I’m celebrating because I haven’t felt like crap, I’ve been able to appreciate the little things, like the dimple in my sister’s smile and the puns I can make out of things people say. (I had to stop myself in one instance, though, when I wanted to make a joke about getting to the root of the matter, because the puns were already running too deep. 😂)

On Tuesday I made cinnamon rolls with yeast, and they were amazing. I love cinnamon rolls almost as much as I love my dog, and since I don’t eat gluten, I don’t get them enough. But I’ve been in a baking kick recently, and so I’ve made them twice, once without yeast and once with yeast.

On Thursday, I decided that I needed a pumpkin spice latte. The problem is that I think pumpkin spice is the most disgusting thing on the planet. However, I reasoned with myself that if I made it at home, perhaps it wouldn’t taste as much as vomit as it does when you get it from a well known coffee chain.

But I had one problem. We had no pumpkin purée.

Now, normal people don’t even THINK about making homemade pumpkin spice latte. Slightly abnormal people would give up when they realized that they were out of pumpkin purée. But Amie? Why Amie doesn’t give up once she has an idea in her head, and so I used decorative pumpkins, made my own purée and made the most delicious pumpkin spice latte I have ever tasted.

Yes, it was worth the extra hour and a half. 😂

You all want an update on Fifteen? Well, I suppose I must grant you your request. All the pre-order goodies are in, and I’m LIVING for them. I mean, how can you get any cuter? I’m such a sucker for any kind of pre-order goodie, so as soon as I knew I was publishing Fifteen, I knew I had to do pre-order goodies.

So I obviously want you to get them, because what’s the fun of keeping them all for myself? If you pre-order the paperback here and take a picture of your receipt, and then fill out this form here, you’ll get your own pre-order goodies. *bounces all around*

Yes, I am low-key obsessed my own goodies. 😂

Now, there’s another announcement about Fifteen that’s coming up, but I’m going to be telling it to my email list first. If you haven’t joined the Newsies, goodness! You’re missing out! My email list gets the first news about my activities, and sometimes, when I’m in a good mood, they get my random ramblings and my favorite things.

I only send out emails . . . once-two times a month, if even then. I’m slightly sporadic, but you know. Work on one thing at a time. If you’d like to sign up for that, you can do it here.

(Go do that before I send out the next email, because guysssssss. It’s going to be full of fun stuff, and I’m so super excited to write it.)

So, all of you followers are looking at me, wondering what on earth this blog post is. I’m wondering the same thing. It think it’s a lot of things. 😂 And it’s definitely not professional in the least, but give me a break. I need a break, or I might break and that would be definitely something.

What is your favorite season? Winter is coming fast and I am SO glad. Please, I need more sweatshirts and comfy pants and beanies. And boots. Though I wear boots year round because I’m a rebel. *salutes.

Ugh, I’m getting off topic again. Welcome to my brain. Are you excited for Fifteen? What is your favorite fruit? Pumpkin spice, is it everything nice or has it come to ruin your tastebuds?

~~Amie~~

Don’t Let it Get to Your Head

“Don’t let it get to your head, don’t let it get to your head.”

But how?

The words surround you, even after you release them all with a puff, the smoke that slipped out hovers above you. You’re unable to drown it out.

So many things to be thankful for, so many things that should blot it out. But you feel like you’ve made another mistake and the voices again have grown too loud.

Maybe those who protect me are wrong. Maybe the other people are right. Maybe I was immature, maybe I did read into it too much, I probably am being dramatic. I probably should just shut up, sink away, let them win again because this is just way too much for me today.

It’s not my fault? What do you mean? They’re all saying I picked a fight, don’t you see? Shush the voices in my mind, shush everything I’ve been told for a time. Even if all was silent and I was floating above, I would be pulled back down by this weight that at my heart tugs.

Don’t blame yourself, it isn’t your fault. Don’t let the hate keep you from moving along. But how can we do that when all along, we’ve been told to be silent and avoid what is wrong?

How do we stand when our knees are weak? How do we keep moving when all we want to do is weep? Paper cuts mar the most tender heart, tears are what it bleeds among its millions of scars. How can we continue moving when there seems no end of the pain that creates a hurricane within?

Forcing a smile and saying okay, though, in a way, I really am okay. I might be hurting by the words that stung my heart, I might be taking a moment to keep from falling apart, but I’m okay. Because I know.

I know that God will use my message in spite of my fear, my hurt, my pain. I know I serve a God who has created all things. I know that even though I didn’t want to go on this ride, God will be there protecting, comforting, pushing, always on my side.

“Though troubles assail me, and dangers afright. Though friends should all fail us and foes all unite, yet one thing secures us whatever betide: the scripture assures us ‘the Lord will provide.”‘

He will provide in the darkest hour or the most joy filled day. His provision might not give you a butterfly and rainbows type of life, but you will still see his fingerprints on every part of your life. Pain might stun you for hours on end, but He’s always there to pick you up and help you begin again.

Some people may seem to have the perfect life, but everyone has secrets they would prefer to hide. Faith doesn’t stop you from having pain, suffering, and doubt. But holding onto God’s precious promises keeps us from giving up and falling out.

Someday this journey will be over. Someday, our messages and our moments will be through. Someday we’ll get to heaven and have to hand over the talents that are due. Did words stop you from using yours? Did people discourage you from investing the talents that weren’t yours, only lent for you to use?

Take a deep breath and begin again today. So that at the end of the journey we can all sing and say,

“When life sinks apace and death is in view, the word of his grace shall comfort us through; not fearing or doubting, with Christ on our side, we hope to die shouting, ‘Our God will provide!”‘

~~Amie~~

(quotations from John Newton’s hymn, Though Troubles Assail Us.)

Things Friends and Loved Ones with Mental Illness Want You to Know

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Whether your friend or loved one has depression, anxiety, or some other long-term mental illness, there is so much going on in their brain that they want to say to you, but find impossible to say. So many emotions are buried beneath the surface, so much they wish you could know. But when you’re in the middle of these emotions, it’s so hard to tell the people who love you about what’s going on your mind.

Being vulnerable hurts and takes time, especially when you’re confused, hurting, or numb to the world around you. So here are seven things that people who battle with mental illness and mental health would like you to know.

DISCLAIMER: Not everyone with a mental illness will relate with these. I am not a psychiatrist, or have any degree in psychology.

We really don’t know.

We have so many emotions or such a lack of emotion, so we aren’t lying when we say we don’t know. Our rational mind has no excuse or reason for what we’ve done or the way we feel. We wish we could give you a concrete answer, we wish we knew how you could help, how we could help ourselves. We’re afraid to explore our emotions or to poke our dead mind back to life. We’re afraid you won’t believe us or understand. So we just don’t know, and we don’t try to know.

We’re afraid.

So afraid. We’re afraid of ourselves, of failing, of giving in, of giving up, of failing you, of hurting others. We are afraid of waking up and we’re afraid of falling asleep. We’re afraid of letting people see what we’re really like. We’re afraid of how we’ll react to situations that normal people are fine with. We’re afraid that we’ll never get better, that medicine won’t help, that we’ll end up weighing you down. We’re afraid of everything that happens in our mind, and we don’t want it to translate over into our life. At the end of the day, we are afraid.

We’re trying.

You might not like our reactions or seeing us struggle, but think how painful it is to be the one struggling with it yourself. We hate it as much or more than you do and we’re trying so hard. Every day we’re waking up and trying. Some days, it’s more fruitful and we are able to function like you. Other days? Celebrate that we’re out of bed. Celebrate that we’re talking. Be thankful we’re smiling. Because God knows we’re trying.

We try, we take our medicine, if we have some. Or we just sit there, to be with you, when all we want is solitude, all we want is sleep, all we want is to pace around the room and try to quiet our mind as it frantically thinks. But instead, we’re with you. We’re trying, and we’ll keep trying.

We’re tired.

Not only is insomnia one of the most common symptoms of mental illness, fighting your mind and emotions, keeping everything bottled and neatly packed away takes so much energy. But we aren’t only sleep tired. We’re tired of feeling, of not sleeping, or if we’re hyposomniac, we’re tired of sleeping, we’re tired of living like this, tired of being needy, tired of trying to smile, tired of not being believed, tired of feeling guilty.

We’re tired of not being normal, we’re tired of trying to fix ourselves, we’re tired of eating, of feeling, of breathing. We’re tired of hearing our heart thunder in our ears, tired of our breath coming in heaves, tired of a mind that won’t give us relief.

We don’t remember.

When we say we don’t know or we don’t remember, we truly don’t know or can’t remember. It might be something as serious as forgetting what we did at a party, or as simple as not remembering the first half of the day. We don’t remember. And we hate the fact that a part of our life has been swallowed up and dissolved by our minds. We’re sorry that we don’t remember the awesome time we had, or we don’t remember when we first met, or that we don’t remember being hurt or being yelled at. We just don’t remember.

We’re sorry we don’t remember saying something, we’re sorry we don’t remember hurting you. We’re sorry that we can’t answer your questions at the moment, we can’t do our school work at the moment, and we’re sorry we missed another meeting. Someday, we’ll remember it all again.

It physically hurts.

Our head throbs with our heartbeat, our muscles are so tight you could strum them like a musical instrument. Our chest feels like it’s being crushed, our arms and legs weigh a hundred pounds. We’re nauseous way too often. Food is disgusting or we eat way too much. When we say we have a headache and skip dinner, we really have a headache. Every sound, every sense, the air even has a taste. It’s all intensified to such an extent that if we don’t hide, it’ll cause us to explode.

I’m okay.

How can we tell you that we’re dying inside? How can we explain emotions when we’re not even sure about? How do we know if this is what normal people feel like, or if it’s something wrong with us? So we’re okay. Because we choose to press it all down, to hide it for you. Because we don’t want to be that morbid person, we don’t want to weigh you down. We don’t want to hurt you or wear you out. So we’re okay. Because we love you. And we want to be okay.

~~Amie~~

Endless Supply

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Some days, I feel like a fish in a dry fishbowl.

I’ve given all my water, drop by drop, to other fish who need it. Projects which are like sponges drain my mind, there must be a hole somewhere inside my bowl. Worry, anxiety, stress, and fatigue leave me gasping.

Some days it seems like I have no mental space to deal with anything. Just a raised voice makes me jump out of my skin, and the bright glare of the sun sends me shivering within. It’s hard to give and give and give of my time, it’s hard to be a servant when you can barely even tell people hi.

But guess what?

We have a way to be filled, even when life and pain and illness drain us. When life seems overwhelming, but there are still people that you want to help, people who have lives you want to pour into, you can know that you have a source to take life and joy from. A fountain that is ever ready to fill you to overflowing.

We don’t have to worry, because we have an eternal fountain filled with everlasting mercies.

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)

I was talking to a friend on the phone, and she mentioned the verse about God’s mercies never ending, being new every morning. And it hit me.

My whole life I’ve pictured God’s mercies like sand in the hour glass. I only have so much mercy allotted to my life, and if I use it up before the end of my life . . . So I try to do as much as I can on my own, “saving” my mercies for when I really need them. But that isn’t what the Bible teaches us.

We have a fountain from which we can drink, a fountain that quenches our thirst, and that fountain wells up in us. In fact, it should overflow in us! We should be overflowing with eternal life.

One of my favorite children’s book is actually a wordless book. It’s called “The Flower Man” by Mark Ludy. In this book, and old man comes into a dark and hopeless neighborhood, and one by one, he gives flowers to the people around him, lighting up their world with hope and love. This represents how we should be with eternal life. Everyone we touch, we should be giving them “flowers.”

And we don’t have to worry about running out of eternal life, or of mercy, or of grace, or of God’s steadfast love. We can give and give and give, and still be refilled, if we remember to continually go to the source.

Of course it isn’t easy. But the most fulfilling things in life, the things that grow us as humans and grow our relationship with God aren’t easy. God often calls us to do things that hurt, things that scare us, and things that seem impossible. But that’s when you’re rewarded beyond your comprehension. Because if it had just been you, the results would never have happened.

And the results are definitely worth the cost of the tears and pain.

In Christ, we aren’t fish in a dry fishbowl. We’re fish, caught by the Fisher of Men, and placed in the cleanest water available. And then we’re told to share this water with others. Because Christ has an endless supply.

~~Amie~~

 

Dropping in

Yo.

So, like. I never pop in here like this, because I’ve become the most scheduled human being in the world who never does anything without scheduling it all three hundred days in advance. (not true, but ya know. Exaggeration adds some flavor to life.) Anyway, I’ve had a pretty major burn out, but I still need to throw out content, right?

right

I mean, no. XD But I want to instill the love of creating back into my life, so I’m hopping in to announce that I’m going to do a Q&A on my YouTube channel on Saturday, and I need to know what YOU want to know about me. XD

In other, less confusing words, I need questions.

Send ’em at me. I know this is really abrupt and out of place, but hey. Y’all hopefully check your WordPress Reader/inboxes enough to see it before it’s too late.

*looks at you seriously*

Time is of the essence.

~~Amie~~

P.S. Did I ever tell y’all about Wordcrafting Wednesday? If not, check out the newest video I have from today!

When the Shutter Snaps

Welcome back to Crazy A. I’m your host, Amie, and today we will be viewing some photographic endeavors. You see, this is kinda hard, because for the past three weeks, it has been the usual winter rains, where there’s flooding, and all it does is rain. Rain. Rain.

And that, my dear friends, is not conducive to photography.

But regardless, I have done some photography, and so you get to see my efforts. Rain has made me focus more on indoor photography, which is honestly good for my skills.

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So, I was given this beautiful bouquet and after…four weeks? It’s finally perished. *sniffles* Mostly, perished. Only the daisies and the greenery are still alive.

But I love bouquets. My mom is very anti-bouquets, saying that it’s ridiculous to spend money on something that just dies, but to me…I don’t know. They’re beautiful to photograph, and often times they smell good, and I just love them.

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This bouquet had all of my favorite flowers. *insert heart eyes* Daisies, lilies, roses, hydrangeas, and little purple flowers that reminded me of lavender. I just loved it.

And I love the people who sent it. ❤

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So. Star is one of my favorite things to take pictures of. 😂 She just has so many cute poses. (It’s so cold here today, so at the moment, she’s underneath a blanket.) I’m constantly telling her, “Hang on, let me grab my camera. DON’T MOVE.”

I’m not sure she understands me, but whatever.

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See? 😍 SHE’S SO CUTE. I put my jacket around her because she was cold, the poor little pupster. And then she just looked SO VERY CUTE.

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So I’ve suddenly had this obsession of taking pictures that don’t look like me, that are technically of me. XD (See this post.)

I created a pretty hilarious YouTube video (In my opinion) and for that video, I dressed up and did my makeup REALLY differently than I’ve ever done before. So it was time for a photoshoot of myself, looking unlike myself. XD

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I was so proud of this look, because it looks so different. This is NOT what Amie usually looks like. But it was fun to do, though my sister and I both agreed, this isn’t a smiling look. Regardless, I took a picture of me smiling. 😂

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It’s fun to experiment with styles, looks, and different types of lighting. I like how these pictures as slightly backlit. *nods*

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I have been spending wayyyyy to much time at our eye doctor, so I finally brought along my camera, and asked to take pictures. They quickly agreed, giving me permission to go all over the shop and get pictures. I didn’t particularly want to go to the back, but I did get some fun pictures!

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Glasses are just so pretty.

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The displays they have are amazing. The whole shop is this rustic, and yet modern vibe which is so attractive and cozy. in other words, it looks just like I want my future house to look like. 😂

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Eep, I love my eye doctor’s place. XD

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We shall end this post here. Which one was your favorite photo? What have you done this week? Are you tired of winter?

~~Amie~~

Interview with Angela

WELCOME.
Today I have an amazing treat for all of you. One of the most amazing weirdos on the planet has agreed to join me in the Crazy A studio today, and do a interview. Isn’t it superb when things like that happen?
The best fact is that SHE’S STARTING A BLOG. *cue fanfare and screaming* Since she’s so cool, you all should go follow her.
After you read the interview, of course. XD So let’s get on with it, and see what Angela says. 😀
1. I know it’s hard to say what your favorite book is, so I’ll be generous. What are your top five favorite books?

Why thank you for your generosity. It’s much appreciated. Kisses from Katie, by Katie Davis; Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen; Mark of Athena from Rick Rhiordan’s Hero’s of Olympus series; IQ, by Roland Smith; and any book from John Flanagan’s series Ranger’s Apprentice

2. When you feel the need to write but you don’t have a book you’re currently working on or a good idea for one, what do you do?


I usually write a flash fiction, or poetry, or just type away whatever comes to mind on a blank piece of virtual paper

3. Do you have any tips on good writing habits? (i.e., writing regularly)

My best tip would just be- Write.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Even if you can only get a couple words on paper, write. For me, this sometimes means waking up earlier than the rest of my family so I can get some writing in before everyone gets up and about.
Setting aside a specific time for writing is definitely key. 

4. Some books suck us in and drown out the real world; other books (even though they might be interesting) don’t seem to do that quite as effectively. How do you “pull” your readers in? 


I like to write stories that keep the reader guessing and in suspsence. I like crafting relatable characters who will draw in the reader. Writing cliffhangers is my especial favourite. It makes the reader want to know “What happens next”.

5. Is there a writer whose style you find yourself frequently trying to emulate?


I jump around a lot actually. There isn’t a specific writer, or writers, who I often find myself “emulating”

6. Any advice for people who are interested in NaNo but don’t have the courage to commit? What advice would you give to first time campers? (if you’ve done NaNo. XD)


I just say- GO FOR IT. It’s totally worth your time. It really helped me with consistency, and it’s what caused me to finish my first ever novel.
My advice would be to not let NaNo suck you in. It’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of trying to get 50K in a month, but it’s not worth it if you end up breaking relationships in “real” life.

7. What do you do when you’re bored with a book? 


It depends. If it’s a classic, there’s usually a movie of it. So if I’ve read over half the book, I don’t mind watching the movie to keep me going.
Otherwise I just push on. I have a thing about finishing things I start, so I’ll usually just force myself to finish it.

8.What subjects are you taking this year, and which one is your favorite?


State history, English Grammar & Comp II, Chemistry, Trig & Algebra 3, Photography, Psychology, and foreign languages.
I’m really enjoying Psychology. It’s from a Christian perspective, and I love the way the teacher is teaching it.
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Angela Dawne is a homeschooled dreamer, thinker and writer who often finds herself lost in the labyrinth of her mind.

She blogs at https://adawne.home.blog/

Honestly, I can’t get over how awesome her picture is. XD I really need to take lessons from Angela. XD
BUT! If you go over to her blog, comment, “AMIE SAYS YOU’RE AMAZING.” Let’s get a lot of comment on Angela’s blog, so we can spam her. XD (She loves spam, in case you were wondering. Everyone does.)
And comment down below if you did that.
~~Amie~~

Black Friday Sale

It is I, Snowball Rabbit again, and I have very exciting news.

*cleans his ears*

Snowball Rabbit and the Missing Apple is on sale for Black Friday! And the sale isn’t just for a plain book, it’s for a signed copy of the book, not only signed by Amie, but signed by yours truly.

Have you never heard of my book?!

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I am astonished.

But forgive me. I never gave you the price. It’s $12 (+ $2 shipping), when Snowball and the Missing Apple is usually $15 (+shipping). It’s an amazing gift for your younger siblings, your nieces and nephews, or your friend’s younger sibling. (Or your own child, for that matter. If you’re old enough to have children.)

If you want more info about the book, please check out this page, or click up there ^ on “My Book.”

Are you interested? Send Amie money through PayPal right here. And Amie will make sure to contact you about shipping, and if the book is to be addressed to any person. This offer will be open until Sunday, December 1st.

So obviously you should hurry.

I remain,

Snowball Rabbit, Detective

Happy Thanksgiving

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Gather around to hear the story

Not of the first Thanksgiving 

But of those who walked the perilous 

Pilgrim’s journey. 

Mighty men, strong women

All just like me and you

Who faced the odds with determination 

And their Heavenly Father knew. 

It wasn’t that they chose the path

Of trouble and of pain

But ordered by God to raise their children 

In honor of His glorious Name

They fought for freedom

Not with blood and sword

But with their lives all the same

For their children and their Lord. 

The story of the first Thanksgiving

Should your blood and zeal quicken 

And your faith thicken

As you hear of hardships long ago. 

Of crosses born, of graves dug

Of generosity and of unfailing love

As we eat our turkey and munch on our pie

Please remember the reason why. 

The reason to write an ode to Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all

~~Amie~~